Affecting Cruelty
A hard-fisted "old hunker," who has made $30,000 in fifty-one years, by
saving up rags, old iron, bones, soap-grease, snipping off the edges of
halves, quarters, and nine-pences, raised the whole neighborhood t'other
evening. He came across a full-faced Spanish ninepence, and in an
attempt to extract the jaw-teeth of the head, the poor thing squealed
so, that the bells rang, and the South End watchmen hollered fire for
about an hour! This "old gentleman" has a way of sweating the crosses
from a smooth fourpence, and makes them look so bran new, that he passes
them for ten cent pieces! One case of his benevolence is "worthy of all
praise;" he recently gave away to a poor Irishman's family, a bunch of
cobwebs, and an old hat he had worn since the battle of Bunker Hill;
upon these bounties the Irishman started into business; he boiled the
hunker's hat, and it yielded a bar of soap and a dozen tallow candles!
If old Smearcase continues to fool away his hard-earned wealth in that
manner, his friends ought to buy an injunction on his will!