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Penalty Of Kissing Your Own Wife
Humour Scenes Home
Cato, when Censor of Rome, expelled from the Senate Manilius, whom the
general opinion had marked out for counsellor, because he had given his
wife a kiss in the day time, in the sight of his daughter. And this
reminds us of a local story told us by one of the "oldest inhabitants"
of the city, that occurred once upon a time in this harbor. Before the
Revolutionary war, one of the King's ships was stationed here, and
occasionally cruised down to the south'ard. It so chanced that after a
long absence the cruiser arrived in the harbor on Sunday, and as the
naval captain had left his wife in Boston, the moment she heard of his
arrival she hastened down to the water side in order to receive him. The
worthy old sea captain, on landing, embraced his lady with tenderness
and true affection. This, as there were many spectators by, gave great
offence to the puritanical landsmen, and was considered as an act of
indecency and a flagrant profanation of the Sabbath. The next day,
therefore, the captain was summoned before the magistrates and
selectmen, who, with many severe rebukes and pious exhortations, ordered
him to be publicly whipped!
The old captain stifled his indignation and resentment as much as
possible; and as the punishment, from the frequency of it, was not
attended with any degree of disgrace, he mixed as usual with the best of
company, and even with the selectmen he soon ceased to be else than
familiar as ever.
At length the vessel was ordered home, to England, and the captain,
therefore, with seeming concern to take leave of his worthy friends,
and that they might spend a more happy and convivial day together before
their final separation, invited the principal magistrates and selectmen
to dine with him the day of his departure, on board his ship. They
readily accepted the invitation, and nothing could be more glorious than
the entertainment that was given.
At length the solemn moment arrived that was to part them--the anchor
was apeak, the sails unfurled, and nothing was wanted but the signal to
get under way. The captain, after taking an affectionate and formal
leave of his worthy municipal friends, accompanied them upon deck where
the boatswain and crew were ready to receive them. He here thanked them
afresh for the civilities they had shown him, of which the captain
assured them he should bear a kind remembrance.
"One point of civility, only," he continued, "gentlemen, remains to be
adjusted between us, and as it is in my power to settle it, I shall be
most happy to do so. You infernal old rogues you, you whipped me for
evincing a due regard and love for my wife, and now, lest you perpetrate
the outrage again 'gainst all law and reason, I'll give you a lesson
that will last your lifetime. Boatswain, strip each of these rogues to
the waist, lash them fast and put on your cat-o'-nine tails forty
stripes each!"
The boatswain, mid the laugh and acclamation of the whole crew, went to
the work with a hearty good will, and after giving the magistrates and
selectmen a fine dressing all around, he cut them loose, put them in
their boat, and the ship set sail down the harbor and soon disappeared
in the dim dist cut ocean.
Next: Mysteries And Miseries Of Housekeeping
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