Wanted A Young Man From The Country


All of our mercantile cities are overrun with young men who have been

bred for the counter or desk, and thousands of these genteel young gents

find it any thing but an easy matter to find bread or situations half

their time, in these crowded marts of men and merchandise. An

advertisement in a New York or New Orleans paper, for a clerk or

salesman, rarely fails to "turn up" a hundred needy and greedy

applicants, in the
ourse of a morning! In New York, where a vast number

of these misguided young men are "manufactured," and continue to be

manufactured by the regiment, for an already surfeited market, there are

wretches who practise upon these innocent victims of perverted

usefulness, a species of fraud but slightly understood.



By a confederacy with some experienced dry goods dealer, the proprietor

of one of those agencies for procuring situations for young men,

victims of misplaced confidence are put through at five to ten dollars

each, somewhat after this fashion: Sharp, the keeper of the Agency,

advertises for two good clerks, one book-keeper, five salesmen, ten

waiters, &c., &c.; and, of course, as every steamboat, car and stage,

running into New York, brings in a fresh importation of young men from

the country, all fitted out in the knowledge box for salesmen,

book-keepers and clerk-ships,--every morning, a new set are offered to

be taken in and done for. Sharp demands a fee of five or ten dollars for

obtaining a situation; victim forks over the amount, and is sent to

Sharp number two, who keeps the dry goods shop; he has got through with

a victim of yesterday, and is now ready for the fresh victim of to-day;

for he makes it a point to put them through such a gamut of labor,

vexatious man[oe]uvres and insolence, that not one out of fifty come

back next day, and if they do--he don't want them! If the unsuspecting

victim returns to the "Agency," he is lectured roundly for his

incapacity or want of energy!--and advised to return to the country

and recuperate.



Jeremiah Bumps having graduated with all the honors of Sniffensville

Academy, and having many unmistakable longings for becoming a Merchant

Prince, and seeing sights in a city; and having read an account of the

great fortunes piled up in course of a few years, by poor, friendless

country boys, like Abbot Lawrence, John Jacob Astor, he up and came

right straight to Boston, having read it in the papers that clerks,

salesmen, book-keepers, and so on, were wanted, dreadfully--"young men

from the country preferred"--so he called on the suffering agent for

the public, and paying down his fee, was sent off to an Importing

House, on ---- street, where a clerk and salesman were wanted. Jeremiah

found his idea of an Importing House knocked into a disarranged

chapeau, by finding the one in the "present case," a large and luminous

store, filled up with paper boxes and sham bundles; while gaudily

festooned, were any quantity of calicoes, cheap shawls, ribbons, tapes,

and innumerable other tuppenny affairs.



Nebuchadnezzar Cheatum, the proprietor of this importing and jobbing

house, was a keen, little, slick-as-a-whistle, heavy-bearded, shaved and

starched genus, of six-and-thirty, more or less; and received Jeremiah

with a rather patronizing survey personelle, and opened the engagement

with a few remarks.



"From the country, are you?"



"Sniffensville, sir," said Jeremiah; "County of Scrub-oak, State of New

Hampshire."



"Ah, well, I prefer country-bred young men; they are better trained,"

said Cheatum, "to industry, perseverance, honest frugality, and the

duties of a Christian man. I was brought up in the country myself. I've

made myself; carved out, and built up my own position, sir. Yes, sir,

give me good, sound, country-bred young men; I've tried them, I know

what they are," said Cheatum; and he spoke near enough the truth to be

partly true, for he had "tried them;" he averaged some fifty-two

clerks and an equal number of salesmen--yearly.



Jeremiah Bumps grew red in the face at the complimentary manner in which

Nebuchadnezzar Cheatum was pleased to review the country and its

institutions.



"What salary did you think of allowing?" says Jeremiah.



"Well," said Cheatum, "I allow my salesmen three dollars a week the

first year, (Jeremiah's ears cocked up,) and three per cent. on the

sales they make the second year."



By cyphering it up "in his head," Jeremiah came to the conclusion that

the first year wouldn't add much to his pecuniary elevation, whatever

the second did with its three per cents. But he was bound to try it on,

anyhow.



"Now," said Cheatum, "in the first place, Solomon----"



"Jeremiah, if you please, sir," said the young man.



"Ah, yes, Thomas--pshaw!--Jediah, I would say," continued Cheatum,

correcting himself--



"Jeremiah--Jeremiah Bumps, sir," sharply echoed Mr. Bumps.



"Oh, yes, yes; one has so many clerks and salesmen in course of

business," said Cheatum, "that I get their names confused. Well,

Jeremiah, in the first place, you must learn to please the customers;

you must always be lively and spry, and never give an offensive answer.

Many women and girls come in to price and overhaul things, without the

remotest idea of buying anything, and it's often trying to one's

patience; but you must wait on them, for there is no possible means of

telling a woman who shops for pastime, from one who shops in earnest;

so you must be careful, be polite, be lively and spry, and never let a

person go without making a purchase, if you can possibly help it. If a

person asks for an article we have not got, endeavor to make them try

something else. If a woman asks whether four-penny calico, or six-penny

delaines will wash, say 'yes, ma'am, beautifully; I've tried them, or

seen them tried;' and if they say, 'are these ten cent flannels real

Shaker flannels? or the ninepence hose all merino?' better not

contradict them; say 'yes, ma'am, I've tried them, seen them tried, know

they are,' or similar appropriate answers to the various questions that

may be asked," said Cheatum.



"Yes, sir," Jeremiah responded, "I understand."



"And, William----"



"Jeremiah, sir, if you please."



"Oh, yes; well, Jediah--Jeremiah, I would say--when you make change,

never take a ten cent piece and two cents for a shilling, but give it as

often as practicable; look out for the fractions in adding up, and

beware of crossed six-pences, smooth shillings, and what are called

Bungtown coppers," said Cheatum, with much emphasis.



"I'm pooty well posted up, sir, in all that," said Jeremiah.



"And, Jeems--pshaw!--Jacob--Jeremiah! I would say, in measuring, always

put your thumb so, and when you move the yardstick forward, shove your

thumb an inch or so back; in measuring close you may manage to

squeeze out five yards from four and three-quarters, you understand? And

always be watchful that some of those nimble, light-fingered folks don't

slip a roll of ribbon, or a pair of gloves or hose, or a piece of goods,

up their sleeves, in their bosoms, pockets, or under their shawls. Be

careful, Henry--Jeems, I should say," said Cheatum.



Being duly rehearsed, Jeremiah Bumps went to work. The first customer he

had was a little girl, who bought a yard of ribbon for ninepence, and

Jeremiah not only stretched seven-eighths of a yard into a full yard,

but made twelve cents go for a ninepence, which feat brought down the

vials of wrath of the child's mother, a burly old Scotch woman, who

"tongue-lashed" poor Jeremiah awfully! His next adventure was the sale

of a dress pattern of sixpenny de-laine, which he warranted to contain

all the perfections known to the best article, and in dashing his

vigorous scissors through the fabric, he caught them in the folds of a

dozen silk handkerchiefs on the counter, and ripped them all into

slitters! The young woman who took the dress pattern, upon reaching

home, found it contained but eight yards, when she paid for nine. She

came back, and Jeremiah Bumps got another bombasting! He sold fourpenny

calico, and warranted it to wash; next day it came back, and an old lady

with it; the colors and starch were all out, by dipping it in water, and

the woman went on so that Cheatum was glad to refund her money to get

rid of her. Two dashing young ladies, out "shopping" for their own

diversions, gave Jeremiah a call; he labored hand and tongue, he hauled

down and exhibited Cheatum's entire stock; the girls then were leaving,

saying they would "call again," and Jeremiah very amiably said, "do,

ladies, do; call again, like to secure your custom!" The young ladies

took this as an insult. Their big brothers waited on Mr. Bumps, and

nothing short of his humble apologies saved him from enraged cowhides!

Jeremiah saw a suspicious woman enter the store, and after overhauling a

box of gloves, he thought he saw her pocket a pair. He intercepted the

lady as she was going out--he grabbed her by the pocket--the lady

resisted--Jeremiah held on--the lady fainted, and Jeremiah Bumps nearly

tore her dress off in pulling out the gloves! The lady proved to be the

wife of a distinguished citizen, and the gloves purchased at another

store! A lawsuit followed, and Mr. Bumps was fined $100, and sent to the

House of Correction for sixty days.



How many new clerks Nebuchadnezzar Cheatum has put through since, we

know not; but Jeremiah Bumps is now engaged in the practical science of

agriculture, and shudders at the idea of a young man from the country

being wanted in a dry goods shop, if they have got to see the elephant

that he observed--in Boston.



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