His Encounter With Biddy Moriarty
One of the drollest scenes of vituperation that O'Connell ever figured
in took place in the early part of his life. Not long after he was
called to the bar, his character and peculiar talents received rapid
recognition from all who were even casually acquainted with him. His
talent for vituperative language was perceived, and by some he was, even
in those days, considered matchless as a scold.
There was,
Moriarty, who had a huckster's stall on one of the quays nearly opposite
the Four Courts. She was a virago of the first order, very able with her
fist, and still more formidable with her tongue. From one end of Dublin
to the other she was notorious for her powers of abuse, and even in the
provinces Mrs. Moriarty's language had passed into currency. The
dictionary of Dublin slang had been considerably enlarged by her, and
her voluble impudence had almost become proverbial. Some of O'Connell's
friends, however, thought that he could beat her at the use of her own
weapons. Of this, however, he had some doubts himself, when he had
listened once or twice to some minor specimens of her Billingsgate. It
was mooted once, whether the young Kerry barrister could encounter her,
and some one of the company (in O'Connell's presence) rather too freely
ridiculed the idea of his being able to meet the famous Madam Moriarty.
O'Connell never liked the idea of being put down, and he professed his
readiness to encounter her, and even backed himself for the match. Bets
were offered and taken--it was decided that the match should come off at
once.
The party adjourned to the huckster's stall, and there was the owner
herself, superintending the sale of her small wares--a few loungers and
ragged idlers were hanging round her stall--for Biddy was 'a character,'
and, in her way, was one of the sights of Dublin.
O'Connell was very confident of success. He had laid an ingenious plan
for overcoming her, and, with all the anxiety of an ardent
experimentalist, waited to put it into practice. He resolved to open the
attack. At this time O'Connell's own party, and the loungers about the
place, formed an audience quite sufficient to rouse Mrs. Moriarty, on
public provocation, to a due exhibition of her powers. O'Connell
commenced the attack:--
What's the price of this walking-stick, Mrs. What's-your-Name?
Moriarty, sir, is my name, and a good one it is; and what have you to
say agen it? and one-and-sixpence's the price of the stick. Troth, it's
chape as dirt--so it is.
One-and-sixpence for a walking-stick? whew! why, you are know no better
than an impostor, to ask eighteen pence for what cost you twopence.
Twopence, your grandmother! replied Mrs. Biddy: do you mane to say
that it's chating the people I am?--impostor, indeed!
Aye, impostor; and it's that I call you to your teeth, rejoined
O'Connell.
Come cut your stick, you cantankerous jackanapes.
Keep a civil tongue in your head, you old diagonal, cried O'Connell,
calmly.
Stop your jaw, you pug-nosed badger, or by this and that, cried Mrs.
Moriarty, I'll make you go quicker nor you came.
Don't be in a passion, my old radius--anger will only wrinkle your
beauty.
By the hokey, if you say another word of impudence I'll tan your dirty
hide, you bastely common scrub; and sorry I'd be to soil my fists upon
your carcase.
Whew! boys, what a passion old Biddy is in; I protest, as I'm a
gentleman----
Jintleman! jintleman! the likes of you a jintleman! Wisha, by gor, that
bangs Banagher. Why, you potato-faced pippin-sneezer, when did a
Madagascar monkey like you pick enough of common Christian dacency to
hide your Kerry brogue?
Easy, now--easy, now, cried O'Connell, with imperturbable good humor,
don't choke yourself with fine language, you old whiskey-drinking
parallelogram.
What's that you call me, you murderin' villian? roared Mrs. Moriarty,
stung to fury.
I call you, answered O'Connell, a parallelogram; and a Dublin judge
and jury will say that it's no libel to call you so!
Oh, tare-an-ouns! oh, holy Biddy! that on honest woman like me should
be called a parrybellygrum to her face. I'm none of your
parrybellygrums, you rascally gallowsbird; you cowardly, sneaking,
plate-lickin' bliggard!
Oh, not you, indeed! retorted O'Connell; why, I suppose you'll deny
that you keep a hypothenuse in your house.
It's a lie for you, you dirty robber, I never had such a thing in my
house, you swindling thief.
Why, sure your neighbors all know very well that you keep not only a
hypothenuse, but that you have two diameters locked up in your garret,
and that you go out to walk with them every Sunday, you heartless old
heptagon.
Oh, hear that, ye saints in glory! Oh, there's bad language from a
fellow that wants to pass for a jintleman. May the divil fly away with
you, you micher from Munster, and make celery-sauce of your rotten
limbs, you mealy-mouthed tub of guts.
Ah, you can't deny the charge, you miserable submultiple of a
duplicate ratio.
Go, rinse your mouth in the Liffey, you nasty tickle pitcher; after all
the bad words you speak, it ought to be filthier than your face, you
dirty chicken of Beelzebub.
Rinse your own mouth, you wicked-minded old polygon--to the deuce I
pitch you, you blustering intersection of a stinking superficies!
You saucy tinker's apprentice, if you don't cease your jaw, I'll----
But here she gasped for breath, unable to hawk up any more words, for
the last volley of O'Connell had nearly knocked the wind out of her.
While I have a tongue I'll abuse you, you most inimitable periphery.
Look at her, boys! there she stands--a convicted perpendicular in
petticoats. There's contamination in her circumference, and she
trembles with guilt down to the extremities of her corollaries. Ah!
you're found out, you rectilineal antecedent, and equiangular old
hag! 'Tis with you the devil will fly away, you porter-swiping
similitude of the bisection of a vortex!
Overwhelmed with this torrent of language, Mrs. Moriarty was silenced.
Catching up a saucepan, she was aiming at O'Connell's head, when he very
prudently made a timely retreat.
You have won the wager, O'Connell--here's your bet, cried the
gentleman who proposed the contest.
O'Connell knew well the use of sound in the vituperation, and having to
deal with an ignorant scold, determined to overcome her in volubility,
by using all the sesquipedalia verba which occur in Euclid. With
these, and a few significant epithets, and a scoffing, impudent
demeanor, he had for once imposed silence on Biddy Moriarty.
More
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Cossing A Dog
In a humorous paper written in 1732, entitled, An Examination of certain Abuses, Corruptions, and Enormities in the city of Dublin, Swift mentions this diversion, which he ludicrously enough applies to the violent persecutions of the political parti... Countess Of Burlington
Swift was dining one day with the Earl of Burlington soon after his lordship's marriage, when that nobleman, expecting some diversion from Swift's oddities of behavior, purposely neglected to name him to his lady, who was entirely ignorant of the De... Curran And Lord Erskine
Dr. Crolly, in speaking of the two great forensic orators of the day, draws a comparison between the circumstances under which both addressed their audiences:-- When Erskine pleaded, he stood in the midst of a secure nation, and pleaded like a pr... Curran And The Banker
A Limerick banker, remarkable for his sagacity, had an iron leg. His leg, said Curran is the softest part about him. ... Curran And The Farmer
A farmer attending a fair with a hundred pounds in his pocket, took the precaution of depositing it in the hands of the landlord of the public-house at which he stopped. Next day he applied for the money, but the host affected to know nothing of the... Curran And The Informer
The following is an extract from Curran's speech delivered before a committee of the house of Lords, against the Bill of attainder on Lord Edward's property:-- I have been asked, said he, by the committee, whether I have any defensive evidence? I... Curran And The Judge
Soon after Mr. Curran had been called to the bar, on some statement of Judge Robinson's, the young counsel observed, that he had never met the law, as laid down by his Lordship, in any book in his library. That may be, sir, said the Judge; but I sus... Curran And The Mastiff
Curran used to relate with infinite humor an adventure between him and a mastiff, when he was a boy. He had heard somebody say that any person throwing the skirts of his coat over his head, stooping low, holding out his arms, and creeping along back... Curran As Punch's Man
Curran's first effort in public commenced when a boy in the droll character of Mr. Punch's man. It occurred in this way: One of the puppet-shows known as Punch and Judy, arrived at Newmarket, to the great gratification of the neighborhood. Young Cur... Curran At A Debating Society
Curran's account of his introduction and debut at a debating society, is the identical first appearance of hundreds. Upon the first of our assembling, he says, I attended, my foolish heart throbbing with the anticipated honor of being styled 'the le... Curran's Eloquence
In a debate on attachments in the Irish House of Commons, in 1785, Mr. Curran rose to speak against them; and perceiving Mr. Fitzgibbon, the attorney-general (afterwards Lord Clare), had fallen asleep on his seat, he thus commenced:--I hope I may sa... Curran's Quarrel With Fitzgibbon
Curran distinguished himself not more as a barrister than as a member of parliament; and in the latter character it was his misfortune to provoke the enmity of a man, whose thirst for revenge was only to be satiated by the utter ruin of his adversar... Darby Moran
O'Connell in his celebrated speech in defence of the Rev. T. Maguire, relates the following story, in which the reader will not fail to perceive the little chance which perjury had in escaping his detection:-- Allow me, said he, addressing the Co... Dean Swift And The Preacher Who Stole His Sermon
The eccentric Dean Swift, in the course of one of those journies to Holyhead, which, it is well known, he several times performed on foot, was travelling through Church Stretton, Shropshire, when he put up at the sign of the Crown, and finding the h... Dialogue Between Swift And His Landlord
The three towns of Navan, Kells, and Trim, which lay in Swift's route on his first journey to Laracor, seem to have deeply arrested his attention, for he has been frequently heard to speak of the beautiful situation of the first, the antiquity of th... Dr Bolton
Dr. Theophilus Bolton was not only a learned divine, but a very fine gentleman. His merit as a preacher was so eminent that it was early rewarded with a mitre. Swift went to congratulate him on the occasion, when he observed that as his lordship was... Dr O'leary And Father Callanan
Dr. O'Leary, though with great talents for a controversialist, always sedulously avoided the angry theme of religious disputation. Once, however, notwithstanding his declared aversion to polemics, he was led into a controversy. While he was at Cork,... Dr Sacheverell
Some time after the expiration of Dr. Sacheverell's punishment, having been silenced three years from preaching, and his sermon ordered to be burned, the ministry treated him with great indifference, and he applied in vain for the vacant rectory of ... Edmond Burke
On Father O'Leary's arrival in London he was anxiously sought after by his countrymen residing in that capital, who all felt gratified by every opportunity which offered itself, of paying respect to one who had done so much honor to religion and the... Election And Railway Dinners
O'Connell's enormous appetite often excited surprise. He ate a prodigious quantity, even for a man of such large frame. At one of the Irish elections, he was greatly annoyed at his candidate being unseated for a few months, by the blundering decisio... Employment Of Informers
I speak not of the fate of those horrid wretches who have been so often transferred from the table to the dock, and from the dock to the pillory; I speak of what your own eyes have seen, day after day, during the course of this commission, from the ... Encounter With A Fishwoman
There was a fishwoman in Cork who was more than a match for the whole fraternity of her order. She could only be matched by Mrs. Scutcheen, of Patrick-street, Dublin--the lady who used to boast of her bag of farthin's, and regale herself before each... Entrapping A Witness
An illustration of his dexterity in compassing an unfortunate culprit's acquittal may be here narrated. He was employed in defending a prisoner who was tried for a murder committed in the vicinity of Cork. The principal witness swore strongly aga... Epistolary Bores
The number of letters received by O'Connell upon trivial subjects was sufficient to try his patience, as the following will show:-- A letter once arrived from New York, which, on opening, he found to contain a minute description of a Queen Anne's ... Epitaph On Judge Boat
Here lies Judge Boat within a coffin, Pray, gentlefolks, forbear your scoffin'; A Boat a judge! yes, where's the blunder A wooden Judge is no such wonder! And in his robes you must agree, No Boat was better dekt than he. ... Gaining Over A Jury
At a Cork Assizes, many years ago, he was employed in an action of damages, for diverting a stream from its regular channel, or diverting so much of it as inflicted injury on some party who previously benefited by its abundance. The injury was offer... Grace After Dinner
Swift was once invited by a rich miser with a large party to dine; being requested by the host to return thanks at the removal of the cloth, uttered the following grace:-- Thanks for this miracle!--this is no less Than to eat manna in the... High Authority
Curran was once engaged in a legal argument; behind him stood his colleague, a gentleman whose person was remarkably tall and slender, and who had originally intended to take holy orders. The Judge observing that the case under discussion involved a... His Birth
Dr. Jonathan Swift, Dean of St. Patrick's, was born A.D. 1667, in Hoey's Court, Dublin, the fourth house, right hand side, as you enter from Werburgh-street. The houses in this court still bear evidence of having been erected for the residence of re... His Birth
John Philpot Curran was born at Newmarket, a small village in the county of Cork, on the 24th of July, 1750. His father, James Curran, was seneschal of the manor, and possessed of a very moderate income. His mother was a very extraordinary woman. El... His Charity
Like Dean Swift, Father O'Leary relieved, every Monday morning, a number of reduced roomkeepers and working men. The average of his weekly charity amounted to two, sometimes three pounds--though he had no income except that derived from the contribu... His Controversy With An Infidel
Some time in the year 1775, a book was published, the title of which was--Thoughts on Nature and Religion, which contained much gross blasphemy. Its author, a Scottish physician of the name of Blair, residing in Cork, undertook to be the champion of... His Defence Of Archibald Hamilton Rowan
The following extracts, commencing with a description of Mr. Rowan, will be found interesting: Gentlemen, let me suggest another observation or two, if still you have any doubt as to the guilt or the innocence of the defendant. Give me leave to s... His Duel With Bully Egan
When Curran and Bully Egan met on the ground, the latter complained of the advantage his antagonist had over him, and declared that he was as easily hit as a turf stack, while, as to firing at Curran, he might as well fire at a razor's edge. Whereup... His Duel With Captain D'esterre
When O'Connell found the Government determined to strain the Convention Act to the utmost, and not permit the existence of any delegated committee for the management of Catholic affairs, he issued circulars to a number of gentlemen to meet him, as i... His Duel With St Leger
Curran was employed at Cork to prosecute a British officer of the name of St. Leger, for an assault upon a Catholic clergyman. St. Leger was suspected by Curran to be a creature of Lord Doneraile, and to have acted under the influence of his lordshi... His Encounter With Biddy Moriarty
One of the drollest scenes of vituperation that O'Connell ever figured in took place in the early part of his life. Not long after he was called to the bar, his character and peculiar talents received rapid recognition from all who were even casuall... His First Client
When Curran was called to the bar, he was without friends, without connections, without fortune, conscious of talents far above the mob by which he was elbowed, and cursed with sensibility, which rendered him painfully alive to the mortifications he... His Habits Of Study--his Influence
In the midst of the cares and distractions, says his biographer, to which the active duties of the ministry subjected O'Leary, he still indulged his usual habits of study. No unexpected visitor ever found him unoccupied: his reading was extensive, p... His Interview With Daniel Danser
Father O'Leary, when in London, had a great desire to see Daniel Danser; but finding access to the king of misers very difficult, invented a singular plan to gain his object. He sent a message to the miser, to the effect that he had been in the Indi... His Interview With Dr Mann
Before he entered into a controversy with Doctor Blair, he deemed it prudent, owing to the state of sufferance in which Catholic priests then lived in Ireland, to obtain the sanction of the Protestant bishop of the diocese. To this end he waited on ... His Person And Mode Of Argument
Mr. Butler, in his Historical Memoirs, describes O'Leary's person and mode of argument thus:-- The appearance of Father O'Leary was simple. In his countenance there was a mixture of goodness, solemnity, and drollery, which fixed every eye that be... His Reception At The Rotundo By The Volunteers
It was impossible that the high and distinguished claims to respect and esteem which O'Leary possessed, should escape unnoticed by the Volunteer association. Never was a more glorious era in the history of Ireland, than whilst the wealth, valor, and... His Saturnalia
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O'Leary told us of a whimsical triumph which he once enjoyed over the celebrated Dr. Johnson. O'Leary was very anxious to be introduced to that learned man, and Mr. Arthur Murphy took him one morning to the doctor's lodgings. On his entering the roo... Howard The Philanthropist And Mr Henry Shears
About this time it was, says his biographer, that the philanthropist Howard, led by his benevolent enthusiasm to fathom dungeons, vindicate the wrongs, and alleviate the sufferings of the lonely and forgotten victim of vice and crime, arrived at Cor... Kelly The Blacksmith
Although Roger took the lead, he did not monopolize all the wit, of the parish. It happened that Swift, having been dining at some little distance from Laracor, was returning home on horseback in the evening, which was pretty dark. Just before he re... Lady Morgan
Lady Morgan, in her Wild Irish Girl, speaking of Father John, chaplain of the Prince of Coolavin, says:--Father John was modelled on the character of the Dean of Sligo, Dr. Flynn, one of those learned, liberal, and accomplished gentlemen of the Iris... Lord Avonmore
Curran was often annoyed when pleading before Lord Avonmore, owing to his lordship's habit of being influenced by first impressions. He and Curran were to dine together at the house of a friend, and the opportunity was seized by Curran to cure his l... Lord Clare
One day when it was known that Curran had to make an elaborate argument in Chancery, Lord Clare brought a large Newfoundland dog upon the bench with him, and during the progress of the argument he lent his ear much more to the dog than to the barris... Lots Drawn To Have Him At Dinner
In 1779, O'Leary visited Dublin on business connected with a bill before parliament, which aimed at the destruction of the friars. During his visit to Dublin, at this period, the following circumstance, quite characteristic of O'Leary, is said to ha... Lying
Swift could not bear to have any lies told him, which his natural shrewdness and knowledge of the world generally enabled him to detect; and when the party attempted to palliate them, his usual reply was--Come, come, don't attempt to darn your cobwe... Meditation Upon A Broomstick
This single stick, which you now behold ingloriously lying in that neglected corner, I once knew in a flourishing state in a forest; it was full of sap, full of leaves, and full of boughs: but now in vain does the busy art of man pretend to vie with... Meeting Of O'leary And Wesley
In a short time after this controversy had concluded, the parties met at the house of a mutual friend. Their different publications were mentioned; but kindness and sincere good feeling towards each other softened down the asperities of sectarian re... Miss Bennet
This lady was a celebrated beauty in her day, and often mentioned by Swift. Dr. Arbuthnot thus speaks of her in one of his letters: Amongst other things, I had the honor to carry an Irish lady to court that was admired beyond all the ladies in Franc... Mr Pulteney
Swift says, in a letter to Mr. Pulteney: I will do an unmannerly thing, which is to bequeath you an epitaph for forty years hence, in two words, ultimus Britannorum. You never forsook your party. You might often have been as great as the court can m... O'connell And A Bilking Client
He used to lodge, when at Cork, at a stationer's of the name of O'Hara, in Patrick-street, one of the principal thoroughfares of the city. There, during the Assizes, there was always a crowd before his door, lounging under his windows, anxious to ge... O'connell And A Snarling Attorney
O'Connell could be seen to greatest advantage in an Irish court of justice. There he displayed every quality of the lawyer and the advocate. He showed perfect mastery of his profession, and he exhibited his own great and innate qualities. Who that e... O'connell And Secretary Goulburn
Mr. Goulburn, while Secretary for Ireland, visited Killarney, when O'Connell (then on circuit) happened to be there. Both stopped at Finn's Hotel, and chanced to get bedrooms opening off the same corridor. The early habits of O'Connell made him be u... O'leary And Captain Rock
In Tom Moore's Memoirs of Captain Rock, the outlaw gives the following humorous sketch:-- The appearance of Father Arthur at our little chapel was quite unexpected. We had heard, indeed, that he was proceeding through distant parts of the country... O'leary And John O'keefe
In the Recollections of John O'Keefe, the following anecdote is related:-- In 1775 I was in company with Father O'Leary, at the house of Flynn, the printer in Cork. O'Leary had a fine smooth brogue; his learning was extensive, and his wit brillia... O'leary And The Irish Parliament
On the 26th February, 1782, the following interesting debate took place, the subject under consideration being a clause in the Catholic Bill directed against the friars:-- Sir Lucius O'Brien said, he did not approve of the regulars, though his ca... O'leary And The Quakers
In his Plea for Liberty of Conscience, Father O'Leary pays the following high tribute to that sect:-- The Quakers, said he, to their eternal credit, and to the honor of humanity, are the only persons who have exhibited a meekness and forbearance,... O'leary And The Rector
A Protestant rector invited O'Leary to see his parish church, a building remarkable for its architectural beauty. While the friar was viewing the building, the rector thought he was contrasting its nakedness with the interior beauty of the Roman Cat... O'leary Versus Curran
In the Reminiscences of the celebrated singer and composer, Michael Kelly, the following interesting anecdotes are given: I had the pleasure to be introduced to my worthy countryman, the Rev. Father O'Leary, the well-known Roman Catholic priest; he ... On Stephen Duck The Thresher And Favorite Poet
The thresher Duck could o'er the Queen prevail, The proverb says, no fence against a flail. From threshing corn he turns to thresh his brains, For which her Majesty allows him gains. Though 'tis confest, that those who ever saw ... On The Same Upright Chief Justice Whitshed
In church your grandsire cut his throat: To do the job too long he tarried, He should have had my hearty vote, To cut his throat before he married. ... Paddy And The Parson
In June, 1832, O'Connell addressed a meeting of the Political Union of the London working classes. In his address, he humorously and graphically describes the system of passive resistance then adopted against the payment of Tithes, in the following ... Preaching Patriotism
Dean Swift is said to have jocularly remarked, that he never preached but twice in his life, and then they were not sermons, but pamphlets. Being asked, upon what subject? he replied, they were against Wood's halfpence. One of these sermons has been... Public Absurdities In Ireland
Among the public absurdities in Ireland, Swift notices the insurance office against fire; the profits of which to the amount of several thousand pounds, were annually remitted to England. For, observes he, as if we could well spare the money, the so... Refusal Of Office
In 1838, on the morning when O'Connell received from the Government the offer to be appointed Lord Chief Baron, he walked over to the window, saying: This is very kind--very kind, indeed!--but I haven't the least notion of taking the offer. Irela... Resolutions When I Come To Be Old
These resolutions seem to be of that kind which are easily formed, and the propriety of which we readily admit at the time we make them, but secretly never design to put them in practice. 1. Not to marry a young woman. 2. Not to keep young comp...