A Budget Of Blunders

PERHAPS the best concentrated specimen of blunders, such as occur in all

nations, but which, of course, are fathered upon Paddy wholesale, as if

by common consent, is the following:--



Copy of a Letter, written during the Rebellion by Sir ----, an Irish

Member of Parliament, to his friend in London.



MY DEAR SIR,--



Having now a little peace and quietness, I sit down to inform you of the

dreadful bustle and confusion we are in from these blood-thirsty

rebels, most of whom are, I'm glad to say, killed and dispersed. We are

in a pretty mess, can get nothing to eat, nor wine to drink, except

whiskey, and when we sit down to dinner we are obliged to keep both

hands armed. Whilst I write this, I hold a sword in each hand and a

pistol in the other. I concluded from the beginning that this would be

the end of it, and I see I was right, for it is not half over yet. At

present there are such goings on that everything is at a standstill. I

should have answered your letter a fortnight ago, but I did not receive

it till this morning. Indeed, scarcely a mail arrives safe without being

robbed. No longer ago than yesterday the coach with the mails from

Dublin was robbed near this town; the bags had been judiciously left

behind for fear of accident, and by good luck there was nobody in it but

two outside passengers, who had nothing for the thieves to take. Last

Thursday notice was given that a gang of rebels was advancing here under

the French standard, but they had no colors, nor any drums except

bagpipes. Immediately every man in the place, including women and

children, ran out to meet them. We soon found our force much too little;

we were far too near to think of retreating. Death was in every face,

but to it we went, and, by the time half our little party were killed,

we began to be all alive again. Fortunately the rebels had no guns,

except pistols, cutlasses, and pikes, and as we had plenty of muskets

and ammunition, we put them all to the sword. Not a soul of them

escaped, except some that were drowned in an adjacent bog, and, in a

very short time, nothing was to be heard but silence. Their uniforms

were all different colors, but mostly green. After the action we went to

rummage a sort of camp, which they had left behind them. All we found

was a few pikes, without heads, a parcel of empty bottles full of water,

and a bundle of French commissions filled up with Irish names. Troops

are now stationed all round the country, which exactly squares with my

ideas.



I have only time to add that I am in great haste.



Yours truly,

---- ----.