A Strange Objection
A GREAT drinker being at table, they offered him grapes at dessert.
Thank you! said he, pushing back the plate, I don't take my wine in
pills!
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A Small Joke
MR. DALE, who it would appear was a short stout man, had a person in his employment named Matthew, who was permitted that familiarity with his master which was so characteristic of the former generation. One winter day, Mr. Dale came into the counti... A Smart One-pounder
WHILE the Beggar's Opera was under rehearsal at the Haymarket Theatre, in 1823, Miss Paton, who was to play the part of Polly, expressed a wish to sing the air of The Miser thus a Shilling sees, a note higher; to which the stage-manager immediately ... A Soporific
A SPENDTHRIFT being sold up, Foote, who attended every day, bought nothing but a pillow; on which a gentleman asked him, What particular use he could have for a single pillow?--Why, said Foote, I do not sleep very well at night, and I am sure this m... A Soporific
A PROSY orator reproved Lord North for going to sleep during one of his speeches. Pooh, pooh! said the drowsy Premier; the physician should never quarrel with the effect of his own medicine. ... A Sound Conclusion
SIR WILLIAM CURTIS sat near a gentleman at a civic dinner, who alluded to the excellence of the knives, adding, that articles manufactured from cast steel were of a very superior quality, such as razors, forks, &c.--Ay, replied the facetious baronet... A Spare Man
JERROLD said to a very thin man, Sir, you are like a pin, but without the head or the point. ... A Speaking Canvas
SOME of the friends of a famous painter, observed to him, that they never heard him bestow any praises but on his worst paintings. True, answered he; for the best will always praise themselves. ... A Specimen Of University Etiquette
A POOR youth, brought up in one of the colleges, could not afford the price of a pair of shoes, but when his old ones were worn out at the toes, had them capped with leather: whereupon his companions began to jeer him for so doing: Why, said he, don... A Sprig Of Shillalah
A FELLOW on the quay, thinking to quiz a poor Irishman, asked him, How do the potatoes eat now, Pat? The Irish lad, who happened to have a shillalah in his hand, answered, O! they eat very well, my jewel, would you like to taste the stalk? and knock... A Stop Watch
A GENTLEMAN missing his watch in a crowd at the theatre, observed, with great coolness, that he should certainly recover it, having bought it of a friend who had introduced it to the particular acquaintance of every Pawnbroker within the Bills of Mo... A Stopper
A GENTLEMAN describing a person who often visited him for the sole purpose of having a long gossip, called him Mr. Jones the stay-maker. ... A Stout Swimmer
SOME one jocularly observed to the Marquis Wellesley, that, in his arrangements of the ministry, his brother, the Duke, had thrown him overboard. Yes, said the Marquis; but I trust I have strength enough to swim to the other side. ... A Strange Objection
A GREAT drinker being at table, they offered him grapes at dessert. Thank you! said he, pushing back the plate, I don't take my wine in pills! ... A Stray Shot
AN officer, in battle, happening to bow, a cannon-ball passed over his head, and took off that of the soldier who stood behind him. You see, said he, that a man never loses by politeness. ... A Striking Notice
THE following admonition was addressed by a Quaker to a man who was pouring forth a volley of ill language against him: Have a care, friend, thou mayest run thy face against my fist. ... A Striking Point
WHEN Mr. Gulley, the ex-pugilist, was elected Member for Pontefract, Gilbert A'Beckett said: Should any opposition be manifested in the House of Commons towards Mr. Gulley, it is very probable the noes (nose) will have it. ... A Sudden Change
ONE drinking some beer at a petty ale-house in the country, which was very strong of the hops and hardly any taste of the malt, was asked by the landlord, if it was not well hopped. Yes, answered he, if it had hopped a little farther, it would have ... A Suggestive Pair Of Grays
JERROLD was enjoying a drive one day with a well-known,--a jovial spendthrift. Well, Jerrold, said the driver of a very fine pair of grays, what do you think of my grays? To tell you the truth, Jerrold replied, I was just thinking of your duns... A Suggestive Present
JERROLD and a company of literary friends were out in the country. In the course of their walk, they stopped to notice the gambols of an ass's foal. A very sentimental poet present vowed that he should like to send the little thing as a present to h... A Suggestive Question
DOUGLAS JERROLD, discussing one day with Mr. Selby, the vexed question of adapting dramatic pieces from the French, that gentleman insisted upon claiming some of his characters as strictly original creations. Do you remember my Baroness in Ask no Qu... A Superfluous Scraper
FOOTE, being annoyed by a poor fiddler straining harsh discord under his window, sent him out a shilling, with a request that he would play elsewhere, as one scraper at the door was sufficient. ... A Sure Take
AN old sportsman, who, at the age of eighty-three, was met by a friend riding very fast, and was asked what he was in pursuit of? Why, sir, replied the other, I am riding after my eighty-fourth year. ... A Syllabic Difference
GIBBON, the historian, was one day attending the trial of Warren Hastings in Westminster Hall, and Sheridan, having perceived him there, took occasion to mention the luminous author of The Decline and Fall. After he had finished, one of his friends ... A Symbol
A SATIRIC poet underwent a severe drubbing, and was observed to walk ever afterwards with a stick. Mr. P. reminds me, says a wag, of some of the saints, who are always painted with the symbols of their martyrdom. ...