Burke's Tediousness
THOUGH upon great occasions Burke was one of the most eloquent of men
that ever sat in the British senate, he had in ordinary matters as much
as any man the faculty of tiring his auditors. During the latter years
of his life the failing gained so much upon him, that he more than once
dispersed the house, a circumstance which procured him the nickname of
the Dinner-bell. A gentleman was one day going into the House, when he
was surprised to meet a great number of people coming out in a body. Is
the House up? said he: No, answered one of the fugitives, but Mr.
Burke is up.
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Blotting It Out
MATHEWS'S attendant, in his last illness, intending to give him his medicine, gave in mistake some ink from a phial on a shelf. On discovering the error, his friend exclaimed, Good heavens! Mathews, I have given you ink.--Never--never mind, my boy--... Blowing A Nose
SIR WILLIAM CHERE had a very long nose, and was playing at backgammon with old General Brown. During this time, Sir William, who was a snuff-taker, was continually using his snuff-box. Observing him leaning continually over the table, and being at t... Boswell's Life Of Johnson
WHEN Boswell's Life of Johnson, first made its appearance, Boswell was so full of it that he could neither think nor talk of anything else: so much so, that meeting Lord Thurlow hurrying through Parliament Street to get to the House of Lords, where ... Braham And Kenney
THE pride of some people differs from that of others. Mr. Bunn was passing through Jermyn Street, late one evening, and seeing Kenney at the corner of St. James's Church, swinging about in a nervous sort of manner, he inquired the cause of his being... Bred On The Boards
WHEN Morris had the Haymarket Theatre, Jerrold, on a certain occasion, had reason to find fault with the strength, or rather, the want of strength, of the company. Morris expostulated, and said, Why there's V----, he was bred on these boards!--He lo... Brevity
DR. ABERNETHY, the celebrated physician, was never more displeased than by hearing a patient detail a long account of troubles. A woman, knowing Abernethy's love of the laconic, having burned her hand, called at his house. Showing him her hand, she ... Brevity Of Charity
BREVITY is in writing what charity is to all other virtues. Righteousness is worth nothing without the one, nor authorship without the other. ... Brief Correspondence
MRS. FOOTE, mother of Aristophanes, experienced the caprice of fortune nearly as much as her son. The following laconic letters passed between them: Dear Sam, I am in prison.--Answer: Dear mother, so am I. ... Brief Let It Be
WHEN Baron Martin was at the Bar and addressing the Court of Exchequer in an insurance case, he was interrupted by Mr. Baron Alderson observing: Mr. Martin, do you think any office would insure your life? Remember, yours is a brief existence. ... Bright And Sharp
A LITTLE boy having been much praised for his quickness of reply, a gentleman present observed, that when children were keen in their youth, they were generally stupid and dull when they were advanced in years, and vice versa. What a very sensible b... Bringing His Man Down
ROGERS used to relate this story: An Englishman and a Frenchman fought a duel in a darkened room. The Englishman, unwilling to take his antagonist's life, generously fired up the chimney, and--brought down the Frenchman. When I tell this story in Fr... Brotherly Love
AH! said a conceited young parson, I have this afternoon been preaching to a congregation of asses.--Then that was the reason why you always called them beloved brethren, replied a strong-minded lady. ... Brotherly Love
AN affectionate Irishman once enlisted in the 75th Regiment, in order to be near his brother, who was a corporal in the 76th. ... Brutal Affections
THE attachment of some ladies to their lap-dogs amounts, in some instances, to infatuation. An ill-tempered lap-dog biting a piece out of a male visitor's leg, his mistress thus expressed her compassion: Poor little dear creature! I hope it will not... Buried Worth
SIR THOMAS OVERBURY says, that the man who has not anything to boast of but his illustrious ancestors, is like a potato,--the only good belonging to him is underground. ... Burke And Fox
MR. BURKE, in speaking of the indisposition of Mr. Fox, which prevented his making a motion for an investigation into the conduct of Lord Sandwich, said, No one laments Mr. Fox's illness more than I do; and I declare that if he should continue ill, ... Burke's Tediousness
THOUGH upon great occasions Burke was one of the most eloquent of men that ever sat in the British senate, he had in ordinary matters as much as any man the faculty of tiring his auditors. During the latter years of his life the failing gained so mu... Business And Pleasure
A QUAKER (says Hood) makes a pleasure of his business, and then, for relaxation, makes a business of his pleasure. ... Busy Bodies
A MASTER of a ship called out, Who is below? A boy answered, Will, sir.--What are you doing?--Nothing, sir.--Is Tom there?--Yes, said Tom. What are you doing?--Helping Will, sir. ... But One Good Translation
DRYDEN'S translation of Virgil being commended by a right reverend bishop, Lord Chesterfield said, The original is indeed excellent; but everything suffers by a translation,--except a bishop! ... By The Same
MOLLIS abuti, Has an acuti, No lasso finis, Molli divinis. O mi de armis tres, Imi nadis tres, Cantu disco ver Meas alo ver? ... Byron Libellous
THE conversation at Holland House turning on first love, Thomas Moore compared it to a potato, because it shoots from the eyes.--Or rather, exclaimed Lord Byron, because it becomes less by pairing. ... Calculation
SAYS Giles, My wife and I are two, Yet, faith, I know not why, sir. Quoth Jack, You're ten, if I speak true; She 's one and you're a cipher. ... Caledonian Comfort
TWO pedestrian travellers, natives of the North, had taken up their quarters for the night at a Highland hotel in Breadalbane: one of them next morning complained to his friend that he had a very indifferent bed, and asked him how he had slept. Trot... Calf's Head Surprised
A STUPID person one day seeing a man of learning enjoying the pleasures of the table, said, So, sir, philosophers, I see, can indulge in the greatest delicacies.--Why not, replied the other, do you think Providence intended all the good things for f... Caliban's Looking-glass
A REMARKABLY ugly and disagreeable man sat opposite Jerrold at a dinner-party. Before the cloth was removed, Jerrold accidentally broke a glass. Whereupon the ugly gentleman, thinking to twit his opposite neighbor with great effect, said slily, What... Calumny
GEORGE THE THIRD once said to Sir J. Irwin, a famous bon-vivant, They tell me, Sir John, you love a glass of wine.--Those, sire, who have so reported me to your Majesty, answered he, bowing profoundly, do me great injustice; they should have said,--... Cambridge Etiquette
CAMBRIDGE etiquette has been very happily caricatured by the following anecdote. A gownsman, one day walking along the banks of the Cam, observing a luckless son of his Alma Mater in the agonies of drowning, What a pity, he exclaimed, that I have no... Candid On Both Sides
I RISE for information, said a member of the legislative body. I am very glad to hear it, said a bystander, for no man wants it more. ... Candor
A NOTORIOUS egotist, indirectly praising himself for a number of good qualities which it was well known he had not, asked Macklin the reason why he should have this propensity of interfering in the good of others when he frequently met with very uns... Canine Poetry
A PRETTY little dog had written on its collar the following distich:-- This collar don't belong to you, sir, Pass on--or you may have one too, sir. The same person might have been the proprietor of another dog, upon whose collar was ins... Cap This
SIR THOMAS MORE, the famous Chancellor, who preserved his humor and wit to the last moment, when he came to be executed on Tower-hill, the headsman demanded his upper garment as his fee; Ah! friend, said he, taking off his cap, that, I think, is my ...