Destitution Of The Smith Family
ONE morning a pompous little man called upon Sydney Smith, saying that,
being about to compile a history of distinguished families in
Somersetshire, he had called to obtain the Smith arms. I regret,
sir, said the reverend wit, not to be able to contribute to so
valuable a work; but the Smiths never had any arms, and have
invariably sealed their letters with their thumbs.
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Cutting On Both Sides
LORD B----, who sported a ferocious pair of whiskers, meeting Mr. O'Connell in Dublin, the latter said, When do you mean to place your whiskers on the peace establishment?--When you place your tongue on the civil list! was the rejoinder. ... Damped Ardor
JERROLD and Laman Blanchard were strolling together about London, discussing passionately a plan for joining Byron in Greece, when a heavy shower of rain wetted them through. Jerrold, telling the story many years after, said, That shower of rain was... Dangerously Well
LORD BYRON, in reference to a lady he thought ill of, writes, Lady ---- has been dangerously ill; but it may console you to learn that she is dangerously well again. ... Dead Language
AMONG the many English who visited Paris in 1815 was Alderman Wood, who had previously filled the office of Lord Mayor of London. He ordered a hundred visiting cards, inscribing upon them. Alderman Wood, feu Lord Maire de Londres, which he distribut... Dean Swift And King William
THE motto which was inserted under the arms of William, Prince of Orange, on his accession to the English crown, was, Non rapui sed recepi [I did not steal it, but I received it]. This being shown to Dean Swift, he said, with a sarcastic smile, The ... Death And Dr Bolus
MY dart, cried Death, I cannot find, So now I'm quite at sea. Quoth Dr. Bolus, Never mind,-- There, take this recipe. ... Death-bed Forgiveness
A VETERAN Highlander, between whose family and that of a neighboring chieftain had existed a long hereditary feud, being on his death-bed, was reminded that this was the time to forgive all his enemies, even he who had most injured him. Well, be it ... Debtor And Creditor
A TRADESMAN having dunned a customer for a long time, the debtor at last desired his servant one morning to admit him. My friend, said he to him, I think you are a very honest fellow, and I have a great regard for you; therefore, I take this opportu... Decanting Extraordinary
THEODORE HOOK once said to a man at whose table a publisher got very drunk, Why, you appear to have emptied your wine-cellar into your book-seller. ... Defining A Creed
A FRIEND of Sydney Smith inquired, What is Puseyism! To which the witty canon replied: Puseyism, sir, is inflexion and genuflexion; posture and imposture; bowing to the east, and curtseying to the west. ... Degeneracy
THERE had been a carousing party at Colonel Grant's, the late Lord Seafield, and two Highlanders were in attendance to carry the guests up stairs, it being understood that none could by any other means arrive at their sleeping apartments. One or two... Delicate Hint
QUEEN CAROLINE, when Princess of Wales, in one of her shrewd letters, says, My better half, or my worse, which you choose, has been ill, I hear, but nothing to make me hope or fear. ... Delpini's Remonstrance
DELPINI had repeatedly applied to the Prince of Wales to speak to the Lord Chamberlain to grant him a license for a play at the Little Theatre in the Haymarket, always pleading poverty: at last, when he once met his Royal Highness coming out of Carl... Democratic Vision
HORNE TOOKE, being asked by George III. whether he played at cards, replied, I cannot, your Majesty, tell a king from a knave. ... Destitution Of The Smith Family
ONE morning a pompous little man called upon Sydney Smith, saying that, being about to compile a history of distinguished families in Somersetshire, he had called to obtain the Smith arms. I regret, sir, said the reverend wit, not to be able to cont... Dialogue In The Western Islands Of Scotland
HOW long is this loch? It will be about twanty mile. Twenty miles! surely it cannot be so much? Maybe it will be twelve. It does not really seem more than four. Indeed, I'm thinking you're right. Really, you seem to know nothing about... Dido
OF this tragedy, the production of Joseph Reed, author of the Register Office, Mr. Nicholls, in his Literary Anecdotes, gives some curious particulars. He also relates an anecdote of Johnson concerning it: It happened that I was in Bolt Court on the... Difference Of Opinion
IF I were so unlucky, said an officer, as to have a stupid son, I would certainly by all means make him a parson. A clergyman who was in company calmly replied, You think differently, sir, from your father. ... Difficulties In Either Case
ONE evening, at a private party at Oxford, at which Dr. Johnson was present, a recently published essay on the future life of brutes was referred to, and a gentleman, disposed to support the author's opinion that the lower animals have an immortal p... Diffidence
AN Irishman charged with an assault, was asked by the judge whether he was guilty or not. How can I tell, was the reply, till I have heard the evidence? ... Disapprobation
AN actor played a season at Richmond theatre for the privilege only of having a benefit. When his night came, and having to sustain a principal part in the piece, the whole of his audience (thirty in number), hissed him whenever he appeared. When th... Dj
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