Epitaph On A Miser
READER, beware immoderate love of pelf,
Here lies the worst of thieves,--who robbed himself.
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Epigram By A Plucked Man
EVERY Cantab, it is presumed, knows where Shelford Fen is, and that it is famous for rearing geese. A luckless wight, who had the misfortune to be plucked at his examination for the degree of B.A., when the Rev. T. Shelford was his examiner, made th... Epigram From The Italian
HIS hair so black,--his beard so gray, 'Tis strange! But would you know the cause? 'Tis that his labors always lay, Less on his brain than on his jaws. ... Epigram On A Petit-maitre Physician
WHEN Pennington for female ills indites, Studying alone not what, but how he writes, The ladies, as his graceful form they scan, Cry, with ill-omened rapture,--Killing man! ... Epigram On A Student Being Put Out Of Commons For Missing
CHAPEL. TO fast and pray we are by Scripture taught: Oh could I do but either as I ought! In both, alas! I err; my frailty such,-- I pray too little, and I fast too much. ... Epigram On Cibber
IN merry Old England it once was the rule, The king had his poet and also his fool; But now we're so frugal, I'd have you to know it, That Cibber can serve both for fool and for poet. ... Epigram On Dr Glynn's Beauty
THIS morning, quite dead, Tom was found in his bed, Although he was hearty last night; 'Tis thought having seen Dr. Glynn in a dream, The poor fellow died of affright. ... Epigram On The Death Of Foote
FOOTE, from his earthly stage, alas! is hurled, Death took him off, who took off all the world. ... Epigram On The Duke Of 's Consistency
THAT he's ne'er known to change his mind, Is surely nothing strange; For no one yet could ever find He'd any mind to change. ... Epigram On The Marriage Of A Very Thin Couple
ST. PAUL has declared that, when persons, though twain, Are in wedlock united, one flesh they remain. But had he been by, when, like Pharaoh's kine pairing, Dr. Douglas, of Benet, espoused Miss Mainwaring, St. Peter, no doubt, w... Epigram On Two Contractors
TO gull the public two contractors come, One pilfers corn,--the other cheats in rum. Which is the greater knave, ye wits explain, A rogue in spirit, or a rogue in grain? ... Episcopal Sauce
AT a dinner-party Archbishop Whately called out suddenly to the host, Mr. ----! There was silence. Mr. ----, what is the proper female companion of this John Dory? After the usual number of guesses an answer came, Anne Chovy. ... Epitaph For Sir John Vanbrugh
LIE heavy on him, Earth! for he Laid many heavy loads on thee! ... Epitaph On A Miser
READER, beware immoderate love of pelf, Here lies the worst of thieves,--who robbed himself. ... Epitaph Upon Peter Staggs
POOR Peter Staggs now rests beneath this rail, Who loved his joke, his pipe, and mug of ale; For twenty years he did the duties well, Of ostler, boots, and waiter at the Bell. But death stepped in, and ordered Peter Staggs ... Epitaphs
IF truth, perspicuity, wit, gravity, and every property pertaining to the ancient or modern epitaph, may be expected united in one single epitaph, it is in one made for Burbadge, the tragedian, in the days of Shakespeare,--the following being the wh... Equal To Nothing
ON being informed that the judges in the Court of Common Pleas had little or nothing to do, Bushe remarked, Well, well, they're equal to it! ... Equality
SOME one was praising our public schools to Charles Landseer, and said, All our best men were public school men. Look at our poets. There's Byron, he was a Harrow boy----Yes, interrupted Charles, and there's Burns,--he was a ploughboy. ... Equality
A HIGHWAYMAN and a chimney-sweeper were condemned to be hanged the same time at Tyburn,--the first for an exploit on the highway, the latter for a more ignoble robbery. Keep farther off, can't you? said the highwayman, with some disdain. Sir, replie... Equality Of The Law
THE following cannot be omitted from a Jest Book, although somewhat lengthy:-- A man was convicted of bigamy, and the annexed conversation took ... Equitable Law
A RICH man made his will, leaving all he had to a company of fellow-citizens to dispose of, but reserving to his right heir such a portion as pleased them. The heir having sued the company for his share of the property, the judge inquired whether th... Erasmus Versus Luther
ERASMUS, of whom Cambridge has a right to be not a little proud, was entreated by Lord Mountjoy to attack the errors of Luther. My lord, answered Erasmus, nothing is more easy than to say Luther is mistaken, and nothing more difficult than to prove ... Error In Judgment
AN author once praised another writer very heartily to a third person. It is very strange, was the reply, that you speak so well of him, for he says that you are a charlatan.--O, replied the other, I think it very likely that both of us may be mista... Erudite
A LADY had a favorite lapdog, which she called Perchance. A singular name, said somebody, for a beautiful pet, madam. Where did you find it?--O, drawled she, it was named from Byron's dog. You remember where he says, 'Perchance my dog will howl.' ... Essay On Man
AT ten, a child; at twenty, wild; At thirty, tame, if ever; At forty, wise; at fifty, rich; At sixty, good, or never! ...