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Human Happiness
A CAPTAIN in the navy, meeting a friend as he landed at Portsmouth, boasted that he had left his whole ship's company the happiest fellows in the world. How so? asked his friend. Why, I have just flogged seventeen, and they are happy it is over; and... Humor Under Difficulties
A CRITIC one day talked to Jerrold about the humor of a celebrated novelist, dramatist, and poet, who was certainly no humorist. Humor! exclaimed Jerrold, why he sweats at a joke, like a Titan at a thunderbolt! ... Husbanding His Resources
A WAG, reading in one of Brigham Young's manifestoes, that the great resources of Utah are her women, exclaimed, It is very evident that the prophet is disposed to husband his resources. ... I Can Get Through
IN the cloisters of Trinity College, beneath the library, are grated windows, through which many of the students have occasionally, after the gates were locked, taken the liberty of passing, without an exeat, in rather a novel style. A certain Canta... I Hear You Said Was The Worst Book I Ever
wrote. Jerrold.--No, I didn't. I said it was the worst book anybody ever wrote. ... I Takes 'em As They Come
A CANTAB, one day observing a ragamuffin-looking boy scratching his head at the door of Alderman Purchase, in Cambridge, where he was begging, and thinking to pass a joke upon him, said, So, Jack, you are picking them out, are you?--Nah, sar, retort... I've Done The Same Thing Often
A MR. JOHN SMITH, who is described, evidently not without reason, as a fast talker, gave the following description of the blowing up of a steamboat on the Mississippi: I had landed at Helena for a minute to drop some letters into the post-office, wh... Idolatry
THE toilette of a woman is an altar erected by self-love to vanity. ... If You Do Not Receive This Of Course It Must Have Miscarried
therefore I beg you will write to let me know. ... Imitation Of A Cow
MR. JAMES BOSWELL, the friend and biographer of Dr. Johnson, when a youth, went to the pit of Covent Garden Theatre in company with Dr. Blair, and, in a frolic, imitated the lowing of a cow; and the universal cry in the galleries was, Encore the cow... Important To Bachelors
SOME clever fellow has invented a new kind of ink, called the love-letter ink. It is a sure preventive against all cases of breach of promise, as the ink fades away, and leaves the sheet blank, in about four weeks after being written upon. ... Impossible In The Evening
THEODORE HOOK, about to be proposed a member of the Phoenix Club, inquired when they met. Every Saturday evening during the winter, was the answer. Evening? O then, said he, I shall never make a Phoenix, for I can't rise from the fire. ... Impromptu
'TIS said that walls have ears; if this be true, St Stephen's walls the gift must often rue. ... Impromptu
(Spoken between the Third and Fourth Acts of Cowley's Tragedy The Fall of Sparta.) SO great thy art, that while we viewed, Of Sparta's sons the lot severe, We caught the Spartan fortitude, And saw their woes without a tear! ... Impromptu
COUNSELLOR (afterwards Chief Justice) BUSHE, being on one occasion asked which of a company of actors he most admired, maliciously replied, The prompter, sir, for I have heard the most and seen the least of him. ... Impromptu
On an apple being thrown at Mr. Cooke, whilst playing Sir Pertinax Mac Sycophant. SOME envious Scot, you say, the apple threw, Because the character was drawn too true; It can't be so, for all must know right weel That a true Sco... Impromptu By Rb Sheridan
LORD ERSKINE having once asserted, in the presence of Lady Erskine and Mr. Sheridan, that a wife was only a tin canister tied to one's tail, Sheridan at once presented her these lines,-- Lord Erskine at woman presuming to rail, Calls a wi... In Memoriam
SOYER is gone! Then be it said, At last, indeed, great PAN is dead. ... In Suspense
THE sloth, in its wild state, spends its life in trees, and never leaves them but from force or accident. The eagle to the sky, the mole to the ground, the sloth to the tree; but what is most extraordinary, he lives not upon the branches, but under ... In The Background
AN Irishman once ordered a painter to draw his picture, and to represent him standing behind a tree. ... In The Dark
A SCOTCH lady, who was discomposed by the introduction of gas, asked with much earnestness, What's to become o' the puir whales? deeming their interests materially affected by this superseding of their oil. ... In Want Of A Husband
A YOUNG lady was told by a married lady, that she had better precipitate herself from off the rocks of the Passaic falls into the basin beneath than marry. The young lady replied, I would, if I thought I should find a husband at the bottom. ... In-door Relief
A MELTING sermon being preached in a country church, all fell a-weeping but one man, who being asked why he did not weep with the rest, said, O no, I belong to another parish. ... Inadvertence And Epicurism
WHEN the Duke of Wellington was at Paris, as Commander of the Allied Armies, he was invited to dine with Cambaceres, one of the most distinguished statesmen and gourmets of the time of Napoleon. In the course of dinner, his host having helped him to... Incapacity
A YOUNG ecclesiastic asked his bishop permission to preach. I would permit you, answered the prelate; but nature will not. ... Incredible
SHERIDAN made his appearance one day in a pair of new boots; these attracting the notice of some of his friends, Now guess, said he, how I came by these boots? Many probable guesses then took place. No! said Sheridan, no, you've not hit it, nor ever...