In-door Relief
A MELTING sermon being preached in a country church, all fell a-weeping
but one man, who being asked why he did not weep with the rest, said, O
no, I belong to another parish.
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Important To Bachelors
SOME clever fellow has invented a new kind of ink, called the love-letter ink. It is a sure preventive against all cases of breach of promise, as the ink fades away, and leaves the sheet blank, in about four weeks after being written upon. ... Impossible In The Evening
THEODORE HOOK, about to be proposed a member of the Phoenix Club, inquired when they met. Every Saturday evening during the winter, was the answer. Evening? O then, said he, I shall never make a Phoenix, for I can't rise from the fire. ... Impromptu
'TIS said that walls have ears; if this be true, St Stephen's walls the gift must often rue. ... Impromptu
(Spoken between the Third and Fourth Acts of Cowley's Tragedy The Fall of Sparta.) SO great thy art, that while we viewed, Of Sparta's sons the lot severe, We caught the Spartan fortitude, And saw their woes without a tear! ... Impromptu
COUNSELLOR (afterwards Chief Justice) BUSHE, being on one occasion asked which of a company of actors he most admired, maliciously replied, The prompter, sir, for I have heard the most and seen the least of him. ... Impromptu
On an apple being thrown at Mr. Cooke, whilst playing Sir Pertinax Mac Sycophant. SOME envious Scot, you say, the apple threw, Because the character was drawn too true; It can't be so, for all must know right weel That a true Sco... Impromptu By Rb Sheridan
LORD ERSKINE having once asserted, in the presence of Lady Erskine and Mr. Sheridan, that a wife was only a tin canister tied to one's tail, Sheridan at once presented her these lines,-- Lord Erskine at woman presuming to rail, Calls a wi... In Memoriam
SOYER is gone! Then be it said, At last, indeed, great PAN is dead. ... In Suspense
THE sloth, in its wild state, spends its life in trees, and never leaves them but from force or accident. The eagle to the sky, the mole to the ground, the sloth to the tree; but what is most extraordinary, he lives not upon the branches, but under ... In The Background
AN Irishman once ordered a painter to draw his picture, and to represent him standing behind a tree. ... In The Dark
A SCOTCH lady, who was discomposed by the introduction of gas, asked with much earnestness, What's to become o' the puir whales? deeming their interests materially affected by this superseding of their oil. ... In Want Of A Husband
A YOUNG lady was told by a married lady, that she had better precipitate herself from off the rocks of the Passaic falls into the basin beneath than marry. The young lady replied, I would, if I thought I should find a husband at the bottom. ... In-door Relief
A MELTING sermon being preached in a country church, all fell a-weeping but one man, who being asked why he did not weep with the rest, said, O no, I belong to another parish. ... Inadvertence And Epicurism
WHEN the Duke of Wellington was at Paris, as Commander of the Allied Armies, he was invited to dine with Cambaceres, one of the most distinguished statesmen and gourmets of the time of Napoleon. In the course of dinner, his host having helped him to... Incapacity
A YOUNG ecclesiastic asked his bishop permission to preach. I would permit you, answered the prelate; but nature will not. ... Incredible
SHERIDAN made his appearance one day in a pair of new boots; these attracting the notice of some of his friends, Now guess, said he, how I came by these boots? Many probable guesses then took place. No! said Sheridan, no, you've not hit it, nor ever... Independence
JEMMY GORDON, the Cambridge eccentric, when he happened to be without shoes or stockings, one day came in contact with a person of very indifferent character. The gentleman, pitying his condition, told him, if he called at his house, he would give h... Indifference To Death
A PRISONER, who had received notice that he was to die the next morning, was asked by some of his unfortunate companions to share their repast with them. He answered, I never eat anything that I expect will not digest. ... Indifference To Life
A SOLDIER, who was being led to the gallows, saw a crowd of people running on before. Don't be in such a hurry, said he to them. I can assure you nothing will be done without me. ... Industry And Perseverance
A SPENDTHRIFT said, Five years ago I was not worth a farthing in the world; now see where I am through my own exertions.--Well, where are you? inquired a neighbor. Why, I now owe more than a thousand pounds! ... Industry Of The English People
SYDNEY SMITH, writing in the Edinburgh Review, says, If the English were in a paradise of spontaneous productions, they would continue to dig and plough, though they were never a peach or a pine-apple the better for it. ... Information Easily Acquired
A FRIEND, crossing Putney Bridge with Theodore Hook, observed that he had been informed that it was a very good investment, and inquired if such were the case?--I don't know, was the answer; but you ought, as you have just been tolled. ... Ingenious Reply Of A Soldier
A SOLDIER in the army of the Duke of Marlborough took the name of that general, who reprimanded him for it. How am I to blame, general? said the soldier. I have the choice of names; if I had known one more illustrious than yours, I should have taken... Ingenuousness
TWO young officers, after a mess-dinner, had very much ridiculed their general. He sent for them, and asked them if what was reported to him was true. General, said one of them, it is; and we should have said much more if our wine had not failed. ...