Neighborly Politeness
SIR GODFREY KNELLER and Dr. Ratcliffe lived next door to each other, and
were extremely intimate. Kneller had a very fine garden, and as the
doctor was fond of flowers, he permitted him to have a door into it.
Ratcliffe's servants gathering and destroying the flowers, Kneller sent
to inform him that he would nail up the door; to which Ratcliffe, in his
rough manner, replied, Tell him, he may do anything but paint
it.--Well, replied Kneller, he may say what he will, for tell him, I
will take anything from him, except physic.
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Mr Erskine's Firmness
IN the famous trial of the Dean of Asaph, Mr. Erskine put a question to the jury, relative to the meaning of their verdict. Mr. Justice Buller objected to its propriety. The counsel reiterated his question, and demanded an answer. The judge again in... Mr Thelwall
WHEN citizen Thelwall was on his trial at the Old Bailey for high treason, during the evidence for the prosecution he wrote the following note, and sent it to his counsel, Mr. Erskine: I am determined to plead my cause myself. Mr. Erskine wrote unde... Mr Tierney's Humor
MR. TIERNEY, when alluding to the difficulty the Foxites and Pittites had in passing over to join each other in attacking the Addington Ministry (forgetting at the moment how easily he had himself overcome a like difficulty in joining that Ministry)... Much Alike
A SAILOR was asked, Where did your father die?--In a storm, answered the sailor. And your grandfather?--He was drowned.--And your great-grandfather?--He perished at sea.--How, then, said the questioner, dare you go to sea, since all your ancestors p... Multiplying One
SYDNEY SMITH once said: I remember entering a room with glass all round it at the French embassy, and saw myself reflected on every side. I took it for a meeting of the clergy, and was delighted of course. ... Musical Taste
A LATE noble statesman, more famous for his wit than his love of music, being asked why he did not subscribe to the Ancient Concerts, and it being urged as a reason for it that his brother, the Bishop of W----, did: Oh, replied his lordship, if I wa... Nat Lee And Sir Roger L'estrange
THE author of Alexander the Great, whilst confined in a madhouse, was visited by Sir Roger L'Estrange, of whose political abilities Lee entertained no very high opinion. Upon the knight inquiring whether the poet knew him, Lee answered:-- Cus... National Prejudice
FOOTE being told of the appointment of a Scotch nobleman, said, The Irish, sir, take us all in, and the Scotch turn us all out. ... Native Wit
JOHN was thought to be very stupid. He was sent to a mill one day, and the miller said, John, some people say you are a fool! Now, tell me what you do know, and what you don't know.--Well, replied John, I know millers' hogs are fat!--Yes, that's wel... Natural
MRS. SMITH, hearing strange sounds, inquired of her new servant if she snored in her sleep. I don't know, marm, replied Becky, quite innocently; I never lay awake long enough to diskiver. ... Natural Antipathy
FOOTE having satirized the Scotch pretty severely, a gentleman asked, Why he hated that nation so much.--You are mistaken, said Foote, I don't hate the Scotch, neither do I hate frogs, but I would have everything keep to its native element. ... Natural Grief
ONE hiring a lodging said to the landlady, I assure you, madam, I am so much liked that I never left a lodging but my landlady shed tears.--Perhaps, said she, you always went away without paying. ... Natural Transmutation
THE house of Mr. Dundas, late President of the Court of Session in Scotland, having after his death been converted into a blacksmith's shop, a gentleman wrote upon its door the following impromptu:-- The house a lawyer once enjoy'd, Now... Nature And Art
A WORTHY English agriculturist visited the great dinner-table of the Astor House Hotel, in New York, and took up the bill of fare. His eye caught up the names of its--to him--unknown dishes: Soupe a la flamande--Soupe a la Creci--Langue de Boeuf piq... Naval Oratory
WHEN Admiral Cornwallis commanded the Canada, a mutiny broke out in the ship, on account of some accidental delay in paying the crew. The men signed a round robin, wherein they declared that they would not fire a gun till they were paid. Captain Cor... Neck Or Nothing
A RIGHT reverend prelate, himself a man of extreme good-nature, was frequently much vexed in the spirit by the proud, froward, perverse, and untractable temper of his next vicar. The latter, after an absence much longer than usual, one day paid a vi... Neighborly Politeness
SIR GODFREY KNELLER and Dr. Ratcliffe lived next door to each other, and were extremely intimate. Kneller had a very fine garden, and as the doctor was fond of flowers, he permitted him to have a door into it. Ratcliffe's servants gathering and dest... New Relationship
A STRANGER to law courts hearing a judge call a sergeant brother, expressed his surprise. Oh, said one present, they are brothers--brothers-in-law. ... New Relationship
A STRANGER to law courts hearing a judge call a sergeant brother, expressed his surprise. O, said one present, they are brothers,--brothers-in-law. ... New Way To Pay Old Debts
A PRISONER in The Fleet sent to his creditor to let him know that he had a proposal to make, which he believed would be for their mutual benefit. Accordingly, the creditor calling on him to hear it: I have been thinking, said he, that it is a very i... Nice Language
A MAN being tried for sheep-stealing, evidence was given that he had been seen washing tripe. The counsel for the Crown, in examining the witness, observed with ill-timed indelicacy, He was washing bowels?--Yes, sir.--The bowels of an animal, I supp... Nicknames
JOHN MAGEE, formerly the printer of the Dublin Evening Post, was full of shrewdness and eccentricity. Several prosecutions were instituted against him by the government, and many keen encounters of the tongue took place on these occasions between hi... Night And Morning
AN industrious tradesman having taken a new apprentice, awoke him at a very early hour on the first morning, by calling out that the family were sitting down to table. Thank you, said the boy, as he turned over in the bed to adjust himself for a new... Nil Nisi Etc
A GENTLEMAN calling for beer at another gentleman's table, finding it very bad, declined drinking it. What! said the master of the house, don't you like the beer?--It is not to be found fault with, answered the other; for one should never speak ill ... No Harm Done
A MAN of sagacity, being informed of a serious quarrel between two of his female relations, asked the persons if in their quarrels either had called the other ugly? On receiving an answer in the negative, O, then, I shall soon make up the quarrel. ... No Intrusion
A LOQUACIOUS author, after babbling some time about his piece to Sheridan, said, Sir, I fear I have been intruding on your attention.--Not at all, I assure you, replied he, I was thinking of something else. ... No Joke
A GENTLEMAN, finding his grounds trespassed on and robbed, set up a board in a most conspicuous situation, to scare offenders, by the notification that Steel-traps and Spring-guns are set in these Grounds;--but finding that even this was treated wit... No Judge
A CERTAIN Judge having somewhat hastily delivered judgment in a particular case, a King's Counsel observed, in a tone loud enough to reach the bench, Good heavens! every judgment of this court is a mere toss-up. But heads seldom win, observed a lear... No Matter What Color
AN eminent Scottish divine met two of his own parishioners at the house of a lawyer, whom he considered too sharp a practitioner. The lawyer ungraciously put the question, Doctor, these are members of your flock; may I ask, do you look upon them as ... No Music In His Soul
LORD NORTH, who had a great antipathy to music, being asked why he did not subscribe to the Ancient Concerts, and it being urged as a reason for it that his brother the Bishop of Winchester did, Ay, replied his lordship, if I was as deaf as my broth... No Pride
A DENIZEN of the good city of St. Andrews, long desirous of being elected deacon of his craft, after many years of scheming and bowing, at last attained the acme of his ambition, and while the oaths of office were being administered to him, a number... No Redeeming Virtue
PRAY, does it always rain in this hanged place, Enough to drive one mad, heaven knows? No, please your grace, Cried Boniface, With some grimace, Sometimes it snows. ...