Not At Home
A WEAVER, after enjoying his potations, pursued his way home through the
churchyard, his vision and walking somewhat impaired. As he proceeded,
he diverged from the path, and unexpectedly stumbled into a partially
made grave. Stunned for a while, he lay in wonder at his descent, and
after some time he got out, but he had not proceeded much further when a
similar calamity befell him. At this second fall, he was heard, in a
tone of wonder and surprise, to utter the following exclamation,
referring to what he considered the untenanted graves, Ay! ir ye a' up
an' awa?
More
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Nil Nisi Etc
A GENTLEMAN calling for beer at another gentleman's table, finding it very bad, declined drinking it. What! said the master of the house, don't you like the beer?--It is not to be found fault with, answered the other; for one should never speak ill ... No Harm Done
A MAN of sagacity, being informed of a serious quarrel between two of his female relations, asked the persons if in their quarrels either had called the other ugly? On receiving an answer in the negative, O, then, I shall soon make up the quarrel. ... No Intrusion
A LOQUACIOUS author, after babbling some time about his piece to Sheridan, said, Sir, I fear I have been intruding on your attention.--Not at all, I assure you, replied he, I was thinking of something else. ... No Joke
A GENTLEMAN, finding his grounds trespassed on and robbed, set up a board in a most conspicuous situation, to scare offenders, by the notification that Steel-traps and Spring-guns are set in these Grounds;--but finding that even this was treated wit... No Judge
A CERTAIN Judge having somewhat hastily delivered judgment in a particular case, a King's Counsel observed, in a tone loud enough to reach the bench, Good heavens! every judgment of this court is a mere toss-up. But heads seldom win, observed a lear... No Matter What Color
AN eminent Scottish divine met two of his own parishioners at the house of a lawyer, whom he considered too sharp a practitioner. The lawyer ungraciously put the question, Doctor, these are members of your flock; may I ask, do you look upon them as ... No Music In His Soul
LORD NORTH, who had a great antipathy to music, being asked why he did not subscribe to the Ancient Concerts, and it being urged as a reason for it that his brother the Bishop of Winchester did, Ay, replied his lordship, if I was as deaf as my broth... No Pride
A DENIZEN of the good city of St. Andrews, long desirous of being elected deacon of his craft, after many years of scheming and bowing, at last attained the acme of his ambition, and while the oaths of office were being administered to him, a number... No Redeeming Virtue
PRAY, does it always rain in this hanged place, Enough to drive one mad, heaven knows? No, please your grace, Cried Boniface, With some grimace, Sometimes it snows. ... No Sacrifice
A LINEN-DRAPER having advertised his stock to be sold under prime cost, a neighbor observed that, It was impossible, as he had never paid a farthing for it himself. ... Nominal Rhymes
THE COURT OF ALDERMEN AT FISHMONGERS' HALL. IS that dace or perch? Said Alderman Birch; I take it for herring, Said Alderman Perring. This jack's very good, Said Alderman Wood; But its bones might a man slay, ... Non Compos
IT is remarkable that ---- is of an exceedingly cheerful disposition, though the very little piece of mind he possesses is proverbial. ... Non Sequitur
ONE of Sir Boyle Roche's children asked him one day, Who was the father of George III.?--My darling, he answered, it was Frederick, Prince of Wales, who would have been George III. if he had lived. ... None So Blind Etc
DANIEL PURCELL, who was a non-juror, was telling a friend, when King George the First landed at Greenwich, that he had a full view of him: Then, said his friend, you know him by sight.--Yes, replied Daniel, I think I know him, but I can't swear to h... Nosce Te Ipsum
SHERIDAN was one day much annoyed by a fellow-member of the House of Commons, who kept crying out every few minutes, Hear! hear! During the debate he took occasion to describe a political contemporary that wished to play rogue, but had only sense en... Not At All Anxious
A MAN very deeply in debt, being reprimanded by his friends for his disgraceful situation, and the anxiety of a debtor being urged by them in very strong expressions: Ah! said he, that may be the case with a person who thinks of paying. ... Not At Home
A WEAVER, after enjoying his potations, pursued his way home through the churchyard, his vision and walking somewhat impaired. As he proceeded, he diverged from the path, and unexpectedly stumbled into a partially made grave. Stunned for a while, he... Not Finding Himself
HOW do you find yourself to-day, said an old friend to Jack Reeve, as he met him going in dinner costume to the city. Thank you, he replied, the Lord Mayor finds me to-day. ... Not Giving Himself Airs
ARCHDEACON PALEY was in very high spirits when he was presented to his first preferment in the Church. He attended at a visitation dinner just after this event, and during the entertainment called out jocosely, Waiter, shut down that window at the b... Not Importunate
MRS. ROBISON (widow of the eminent professor of natural philosophy) having invited a gentleman to dinner on a particular day, he had accepted, with the reservation, If I am spared.--Weel, weel, said Mrs. Robison, if ye're dead I'll no' expect ye. ... Not Improbable
A CERTAIN young clergyman, modest almost to bashfulness, was once asked by a country apothecary, of a contrary character, in a public and crowded assembly, and in a tone of voice sufficient to catch the attention of the whole company, How it happene... Not Insured Against Fire
FOOTE went to spend his Christmas with Mr. B----, when, the weather being very cold, and but bad fires, occasioned by a scarcity of wood in the house, Foote, on the third day after he went there, ordered his chaise, and was preparing to depart. Mr. ... Not Necessary
YOU flatter me, said a thin exquisite the other day to a young lady who was praising the beauties of his moustache. For heaven's sake, ma'am, interposed an old skipper, don't make that monkey any flatter than he is! ... Not Polite
MR. P----, a candidate for Berkshire, was said to have admitted his want of head, by demanding a poll. ... Not Quite Correct
A HUNTSMAN, reported to have lived with Mr. Beckford, was not so correct in his conversation as he was in his professional employments. One day when he had been out with the young hounds, Mr. B. sent for him, and asked what sport he had had, and how... Not Right
A PRISONER being called on to plead to an indictment for larceny, was told by the clerk to hold up his right hand. The man immediately held up his left hand. Hold up your right hand, said the clerk. Please your honor, said the culprit, still keeping... Not Room For A Neighbor
A LANDED proprietor in the small county of Rutland became very intimate with the Duke of Argyle, to whom, in the plenitude of his friendship, he said: How I wish your estate were in my county! Upon which the duke replied: I'm thinking, if it were, t... Not Sick Enough For That
LORD PLUNKET is said to have acutely felt his forced resignation of the Irish Chancellorship, and his supersedeas by Lord Campbell. A violent tempest arose on the day of the latter's expected arrival, and a friend remarking to Plunket how sick of hi... Not So Bad For A King
GEORGE IV., on hearing some one declare that Moore had murdered Sheridan, in his late life of that statesman, observed, I won't say that Mr. Moore has murdered Sheridan, but he has certainly attempted his life. ... Not So Daft As Reputed
THERE was a certain Daft Will, who was a privileged haunter of Eglington Castle and grounds. He was discovered by the noble owner one day taking a near cut, and crossing a fence in the demesne. The earl called out, Come back, sir, that's not the roa... Not So Easy
A CERTAIN learned serjeant, who is apt to be testy in argument, was advised by the Court not to show temper, but to show cause. ... Not To Be Believed
THE following lines were addressed to a gentleman notoriously addicted to the vice which has been euphemistically described as the postponement of the truth for the purposes of the moment:-- Whoe'er would learn a fact from you, Must tak...