On A New Duke
ASK you why gold and velvet bind
The temples of that cringing thief?
Is it so strange a thing to find
A toad beneath a strawberry leaf?
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Off With His Head
AN EMINENT painter, who had suffered, under the common malady of his profession, namely, to paint portraits for persons who neither paid for them nor took them away, sent word to an ugly customer who refused to pay, that he was in treaty for the pic... Old Age
A VERY old man, who was commonly very dull and heavy, had now and then intervals of gayety: some person observed, he resembles an old castle which is sometimes visited by spirits. ... Old Friends
COLEMAN, the dramatist, was asked if he knew Theodore Hook. Yes, replied the wit; Hook and eye are old associates. ... Old Stories Over Again
BUBB DODDINGTON was very lethargic. Falling asleep one day, after dinner with Sir Richard Temple and Lord Cobham, the latter reproached Doddington with his drowsiness. Doddington denied having been asleep; and to prove he had not, offered to repeat ... Old Times
A GENTLEMAN in company with Foote, took up a newspaper, saying, He wanted to see what the ministry were about. Foote, with a smile, replied, Look among the robberies. ... Ominous Very!
A JOLLY good fellow had an office next to a doctor's. One day an elderly gentleman of the foggy school blundered into the wrong shop: Dr. X---- in?--Don't live here, says P----, who was in full scribble over some important papers, without looking up... On A Bad Man
BY imbecility and fears Will is restrain'd from doing ill; His mind a porcupine appears, A porcupine without a quill. ... On A Bald Head
MY hair and I are quit, d'ye see; I first cut him, he now cuts me. ... On A Gentleman Named Heddy
IN reading his name it may truly be said, You will make that man dy if you cut off his Hed. ... On A Great Talker
TO hear Dash by the hour blunder forth his vile prose, Job himself scarcely patience could keep; He's so dull that each moment we're ready to doze, Yet so noisy we can't go to sleep. ... On A Lady Who Squinted
IF ancient poets Argus prize, Who boasted of a hundred eyes, Sure greater praise to her is due, Who looks a hundred ways with two. ... On A Lady Who Was Painted
IT sounds like paradox,--and yet 'tis true, You're like your picture, though it's not like you. ... On A New Duke
ASK you why gold and velvet bind The temples of that cringing thief? Is it so strange a thing to find A toad beneath a strawberry leaf? ... On A Squinting Poetess
TO no one muse does she her glance confine, But has an eye, at once, to all the nine. ... On A Stone Thrown At A Very Great Man But Which Missed Him
TALK no more of the lucky escape of the head From a flint so unluckily thrown; I think very diff'rent, with thousands indeed, 'Twas a lucky escape for the stone. ... On An Mp Who Recently Got His Election At The Sacrifice
OF HIS POLITICAL CHARACTER. HIS degradation is complete, His name with loss of honor branding: When he resolved to win his seat He literally lost his standing. ... On Bloomfield The Poet
BLOOMFIELD, thy happy-omened name Ensures continuance to thy fame; Both sense and truth this verdict give. While fields shall bloom, thy name shall live! ... On Butler's Monument
WHILE Butler, needy wretch, was yet alive, No generous patron would a dinner give. See him, when starved to death and turned to dust, Presented with a monumental bust. The poet's fate is here in emblem shown,-- He asked for... On Cardinal Wolsey
BEGOT by butchers, but by bishops bred, How high his honor holds his haughty head! ... On Charles Kean The Actor
AS Romeo, Kean, with awkward grace, On velvet rests, 'tis said; Ah! did he seek a softer place, He'd rest upon his head. ... On Dr Lettsom
IF anybody comes to I, I physics, bleeds, and sweats 'em; If after that they like to die, Why, what care I, I Lettsom. ... On Farren The Actor
IF Farren, cleverest of men, Should go to the right about, What part of town will he be then? Why, Farren-done-without! ... On Jekyll Nearly Being Thrown Down By A Very Small Pig
AS Jekyll walked out in his gown and his wig, He happened to tread on a very small pig: Pig of science, he said, or else I'm mistaken, For surely thou art an abridgment of Bacon. ... On Mr Gully Being Returned Mp For Pontefract
STRANGE is it, proud Pontefract's borough should sully Its fame by returning to parliament Gully. The etymological cause, I suppose, is His breaking the bridges of so many noses. ...