One Head Better Than A Dozen
KING HENRY VIII., designing to send an embassy to Francis I. at a very
dangerous juncture, the nobleman selected begged to be excused, saying,
Such a threatening message to so hot a prince as Francis I. might go
near to cost him his life.--Fear not, said old Harry, if the French
king should take away your life, I will take off the heads of a dozen
Frenchmen now in my power.--But of all these heads, replied the
nobleman, there may not be one to fit my shoulders.
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On Rogers The Poet Who Was Egotistical
SO well deserved is Rogers' fame, That friends, who hear him most, advise The egotist to change his name To Argus, with his hundred I's! ... On Shelley's Poem Prometheus Unbound
SHELLEY styles his new poem, Prometheus Unbound, And 'tis like to remain so while time circles round; For surely an age would be spent in the finding A reader so weak as to pay for the binding. ... On Sir Walter Scott's Poem Of Waterloo
ON Waterloo's ensanguined plain, Full many a gallant man lies slain; But none, by bullet or by shot, Fell half so flat as Walter Scott. ... On The Disappointment Of The Whig Associates Of The Prince
REGENT AT NOT OBTAINING OFFICE. YE politicians, tell me, pray, Why thus with woe and care rent? This is the worst that you can say, Some wind has blown the wig away, And left the Hair Apparent. ... On The Dulness Of A Debate In The House Of Commons
NO wonder the debate fell dead 'Neath such a constant fire of lead. ... On The Four Georges
GEORGE the First was always reckoned Vile,--but viler, George the Second; And what mortal ever heard Any good of George the Third? When from earth the Fourth descended, God be praised, the Georges ended. ... On The Latin Gerunds
WHEN Dido mourned, AEneas would not come, She wept in silence, and was Di-Do-Dumb. ... On The Name Of Keopalani (queen Of The Sandwich Islands)
WHICH SIGNIFIES THE DROPPING OF THE CLOUDS FROM HEAVEN. THIS name's the best that could be given, As will by proof be quickly seen; For dropping from the clouds from Heaven, She was, of course, the raining Queen. ... On The Price Of Admission To See The Mammoth Horse
I WOULD not pay a coin to see An animal much larger; Surely the mammoth horse must be Rather an overcharger. ... On The Right Side
IT was said of one that remembered everything that he lent, but nothing that he borrowed, that he had lost half of his memory. ... On The Spot
TWO Oxonians dining together, one of them noticing a spot of grease on the neck-cloth of his companion, said, I see you are a Grecian.--Pooh! said the other, that is far-fetched.--No, indeed, said the punster, I made it on the spot. ... One Bite At A Cherry
A YOUNG fellow once offered to kiss a Quakeress. Friend, said she, thee must not do it.--O, by Jove! but I must, said the youth. Well, friend, as thee hast sworn, thee may do it, but thee must not make a practice of it. ... One Fault
SHE is insupportable, said a wit with marked emphasis, of one well known; but, as if he had gone too far, he added, It is her only defect. ... One For His Nob
A BARRISTER entered the hall with his wig very much awry, of which he was not at all apprised, but was obliged to endure from almost every observer some remark on its appearance, till at last, addressing himself to Mr. Curran, he asked him, Do you s... One Good Turn Deserves Another
DR. A., physician at Newcastle, being summoned to a vestry, in order to reprimand the sexton for drunkenness, he dwelt so long on the sexton's misconduct, as to draw from him this expression: Sir, I thought you would have been the last man alive to ... One Head Better Than A Dozen
KING HENRY VIII., designing to send an embassy to Francis I. at a very dangerous juncture, the nobleman selected begged to be excused, saying, Such a threatening message to so hot a prince as Francis I. might go near to cost him his life.--Fear not,... One Thing At A Time
A VERY dull play was talked of, and one attempted a defence by saying, It was not hissed.--True, said another; no one can hiss and gape at the same time. ... Only A Ninepin
THE Earl of Lonsdale was so extensive a proprietor, and patron of boroughs, that he returned nine members to Parliament, who were facetiously called Lord Lonsdale's ninepins. One of the members thus designated, having made a very extravagant speech ... Only Enough For One
SHERIDAN was once staying at the house of an elderly maiden lady in the country, who wanted more of his company than he was willing to give. Proposing one day to take a stroll with him, he excused himself on account of the badness of the weather. Sh... Only For Life
A SPANISH Archbishop having a dispute with an opulent duke, who said with scorn, What are you? your title and revenues are only for your life, answered by asking, And for how many lives does your Grace hold yours? ... Open Confession
IN a cause tried in the Court of Queen's Bench, the plaintiff being a widow, and the defendants two medical men who had treated her for delirium tremens, and put her under restraint as a lunatic, witnesses were called on the part of the plaintiff to... Openly
NO, Varus hates a thing that's base; I own, indeed, he's got a knack Of flattering people to their face, But scorns to do 't behind their back. ... Opposite Tempers
GENERAL SUTTON was very passionate, and calling one morning on Sir Robert Walpole, who was quite the reverse, found his servant shaving him. During the conversation, Sir Robert said, John, you cut me; and continued the former subject of discourse. P... Oratory
AT the time when Sir Richard Steele was preparing his great room in York Buildings for public orations, he was behindhand in his payments to the workmen; and coming one day among them, to see what progress they made, he ordered the carpenter to get ... Order! Order!
A BARRISTER opened a case somewhat confusedly. Mr. Justice Maule interrupted him. I wish, Mr. ----, you would put your facts in some order; chronological order is the best, but I am not particular. Any order you like--alphabetical order. ... Origin Of The Term Grog
THE British sailors had always been accustomed to drink their allowance of brandy or rum clear, till Admiral Vernon ordered those under his command to mix it with water. The innovation gave great offence to the sailors, and for a time rendered the c... Orthography
THE laird of M'N----b was writing a letter from an Edinburgh coffee-house, when a friend observed that he was setting at defiance the laws of orthography and grammar. I ken that weel eno'! exclaimed the Highland chieftain, but how can a man write gr... Our English Love Of Dinners
IF an earthquake were to engulf England to-morrow, said Jerrold, the English would manage to meet and dine somewhere among the rubbish, just to celebrate the event. ... Our Landlady
A LANDLADY, who exhibited an inordinate love for the vulgar fluid gin, would order her servant to get the supplies after the following fashion: Betty, go and get a quartern loaf, and half a quartern of gin. Off started Betty. She was speedily recall... Out Brief Candle
A VERY small officer struck an old grenadier of his company for some supposed fault in performing his evolutions. The grenadier gravely took off his cap, and, holding it over the officer by the tip, said, Sir, if you were not my officer, I would ext...