Par Nobile Fratrum
A FORMER laird of Brotherton was on all occasions a man of few words. He
had a favorite tame goose, and for hours together Brotherton and his
silent companion sat by the fireside opposite to each other. On one
occasion a candidate for the representation of the county in Parliament
called upon him to solicit his vote, and urged his request with much
eloquence; to all which the laird replied only by nods and smiles,
without saying a word. When, however, the candidate was gone, he looked
across to his goose, and emphatically remarked, I'm thinkin' yon windy
chiel'll no tell muckle that you and I said till him.
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Oratory
AT the time when Sir Richard Steele was preparing his great room in York Buildings for public orations, he was behindhand in his payments to the workmen; and coming one day among them, to see what progress they made, he ordered the carpenter to get ... Order! Order!
A BARRISTER opened a case somewhat confusedly. Mr. Justice Maule interrupted him. I wish, Mr. ----, you would put your facts in some order; chronological order is the best, but I am not particular. Any order you like--alphabetical order. ... Origin Of The Term Grog
THE British sailors had always been accustomed to drink their allowance of brandy or rum clear, till Admiral Vernon ordered those under his command to mix it with water. The innovation gave great offence to the sailors, and for a time rendered the c... Orthography
THE laird of M'N----b was writing a letter from an Edinburgh coffee-house, when a friend observed that he was setting at defiance the laws of orthography and grammar. I ken that weel eno'! exclaimed the Highland chieftain, but how can a man write gr... Our English Love Of Dinners
IF an earthquake were to engulf England to-morrow, said Jerrold, the English would manage to meet and dine somewhere among the rubbish, just to celebrate the event. ... Our Landlady
A LANDLADY, who exhibited an inordinate love for the vulgar fluid gin, would order her servant to get the supplies after the following fashion: Betty, go and get a quartern loaf, and half a quartern of gin. Off started Betty. She was speedily recall... Out Brief Candle
A VERY small officer struck an old grenadier of his company for some supposed fault in performing his evolutions. The grenadier gravely took off his cap, and, holding it over the officer by the tip, said, Sir, if you were not my officer, I would ext... Out Of Spirits
IS my wife out of spirits? said John with a sigh, As her voice of a tempest gave warning. Quite out, sir, indeed, said her maid in reply, For she finished the bottle this morning. ... Outline Of An Ambassador
WHEN the Duke de Choiseul, who was a remarkably meagre-looking man, came to London to negotiate a peace, Charles Townsend, being asked whether the French government had sent the preliminaries of a treaty, answered, he did not know, but they had sent... Outward Appearance
MAN is a sort of tree which we are too apt to judge of by the bark. ... Over-wise
IN a lecture-room of St. John's College, Cambridge, a student one morning, construing the Medea of Euripides came to the following passage:-- [Greek: All ouk arisophos eimi.] To which he gave the proper sense,-- I am not over-wise; ... Oxford And Cambridge Actors
KING JAMES had two comedies acted before him, the one at Cambridge, the other at Oxford; that at Cambridge was called Ignoramus, an ingenious thing, wherein one Mr. Sleep was a principal actor; the other at Oxford was but a dull piece, and therein M... Paddy's Logic
THE sun is all very well, said an Irishman, but the moon is worth two of it; for the moon affords us light in the night-time, when we want it, whereas the sun's with us in the day-time, when we have no occasion for it. ... Painted Charms
OF a celebrated actress, who, in her declining days, bought charms of carmine and pearl-powder, Jerrold said, Egad! she should have a hoop about her, with a notice upon it, 'Beware of the paint.' ... Painting
A NOBLEMAN who was a great amateur painter showed one of his performances to Turner. That great artist said to him, My lord, you want nothing but poverty to become a very excellent painter. ... Painting
A GENTLEMAN seeing a fine painting representing a man playing on the lute, paid this high compliment to the artist. When I look on that painting I think myself deaf. ... Painting And Medicine
A PAINTER of very middling abilities turned doctor: on being questioned respecting this change, he answered, In painting, all faults are exposed to view; but in medicine, they are buried with the patient. ... Par Nobile Fratrum
A FORMER laird of Brotherton was on all occasions a man of few words. He had a favorite tame goose, and for hours together Brotherton and his silent companion sat by the fireside opposite to each other. On one occasion a candidate for the representa... Parliamentary Case
BISHOP ANDREWS, who was master and a great benefactor of Pembroke Hall, was one day at court with Waller the poet, and others. While King James was at dinner, attended by Andrews, Bishop of Winchester, and Neale, Bishop of Durham, his Majesty said t... Parliamentary Reprimand
IN the reign of George II., Mr. Crowle, a counsel of some eminence, was summoned to the bar of the House of Commons to receive a reprimand from the Speaker, on his knees. As he rose from the ground, with the utmost nonchalance he took out his handke... Partnership Dissolved
DR. PARR had a high opinion of his own skill at whist, and could not even patiently tolerate the want of it in his partner. Being engaged with a party in which he was unequally matched, he was asked by a lady how the fortune of the game turned, when... Passing The Bottle
FOOTE being in company, and the wine producing more riot than concord, he observed one gentleman so far gone in debate as to throw the bottle at his antagonist's head; upon which, catching the missile in his hand, he restored the harmony of the comp... Patience
WHEN Lord Chesterfield was one day at Newcastle House, the Duke happening to be very particularly engaged, the Earl was requested to sit down in an ante-room. Garnet upon Job, a book dedicated to the Duke, happened to lie in the window; and his Grac... Patrick Henry
WHEN Patrick Henry, who gave the first impulse to the ball of the American Revolution, introduced his celebrated resolution on the Stamp Act into the House of Burgesses of Virginia (May, 1765), he exclaimed, when descanting on the tyranny of the obn... Paying In Kind
A FARMER, having lost some ducks, was asked by the counsel for the prisoner accused of stealing them to describe their peculiarity. After he had done so, the counsel remarked, They can't be such a rare breed, as I have some like them in my yard.--Th... Paying In Kind
A CERTAIN Quaker slept at a hotel in a certain town. He was supplied with two wax candles. He retired early, and, as he had burned but a small part of the candles, he took them with him into his bedroom. In the morning, finding he was charged 2s. in... Pence Table
A SCHOOLBOY going into the village without leave, his master called after him, Where are you going, sir?--I am going to buy a ha'porth of nails.--What do you want a ha'porth of nails for?--For a halfpenny, replied the urchin. ... Perfect Discontent
AN old lady was in the habit of talking to Jerrold in a gloomy depressing manner, presenting to him only the sad side of life. Hang it! said Jerrold, one day, after a long and sombre interview, she wouldn't allow there was a bright side to the moon.... Personalities Of Garrick And Quin
WHEN Quin and Garrick performed at the same theatre, and in the same play, one night, being very stormy, each ordered a chair. To the mortification of Quin, Garrick's chair came up first. Let me get into the chair, cried the surly veteran, let me ge... Pert
MACKLIN was once annoyed at Foote laughing and talking just as the former was about to begin a lecture. Well, sir, you seem to be very merry there; but do you know what I am going to say now? asked Macklin. No, sir, said Foote, pray, do you? ... Pertinent Inquiry
A PERSON addicted to lying, relating a story to another, which made him stare, Did you never hear that before? said the narrator. No, says the other: Pray, sir, did you? ... Philip Earl Of Stanhope
PHILIP, Earl of Stanhope, whose dress always corresponded with the simplicity of his manners, was once prevented from going into the House of Peers, by a doorkeeper who was unacquainted with his person. Lord Stanhope was resolved to get into the Hou... Phillis
Mrs. Abingdon saw this inscription, and wrote under it,-- Then as like as two chips ... Picking Pockets
THESE beer-shops, quoth Barnabas, speaking in alt, Are ruinous,--down with the growers of malt! Too true, answers Ben, with a shake of the head, Wherever they congregate, honesty's dead. That beer breeds dishonesty causes no won...