Preferment
AMONG the daly inquirers after the health of an aged Bishop of D----m,
during his indisposition, no one was more sedulously punctual than
the Bishop of E----r; and the invalid seemed to think that other motives
than those of anxious kindness might contribute to this solicitude. One
morning he ordered the messenger to be shown into his room, and thus
addressed him: Be so good as present my compliments to my Lord Bishop,
and tell him that I am better, much better; but that the Bishop of
W----r has got a sore throat, arising from a bad cold, if that will
do.
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Pleasant Invitation
SOME years ago, says Richardson, in his anecdotes of painting, a gentleman came to me to invite me to his house. I have, says he, a picture of Rubens, and it is a rare good one. Little H. the other day came to see it, and says it is a copy. If any o... Political Corruption
CURRAN, when opposed to Lord Clare, said that he reminded him of a chimney-sweep, who had raised himself by dark and dusky ways, and then called aloud to his neighbors to witness his dirty elevation. ... Political Logic
IF two decided negatives will make Together one affirmative, let's take P----t's and L----t's, each a rogue per se, Who by this rule an honest pair will be. ... Political Sinecure
CURRAN, after a debate which gave rise to high words, put his hand to his heart, and declared that he was the trusty guardian of his own honor. Upon which Sir Boyle Roche congratulated his honorable friend on the snug little sinecure he had discover... Poor Law
PRAY, my lord, asked a fashionable lady of Lord Kenyon, what do you think my son had better do in order to succeed in the law?--Let him spend all his money: marry a rich wife, and spend all hers: and when he has not got a shilling in the world, let ... Pope's Last Illness
DURING Pope's last illness, a squabble happened in his chamber, between his two physicians, Dr. Burton and Dr. Thomson, they mutually charging each other with hastening the death of the patient by improper prescriptions. Pope at length silenced them... Popping The Question
A GIRL forced by her parents into a disagreeable match with an old man, whom she detested, when the clergyman came to that part of the service where the bride is asked if she consents to take the bridegroom for her husband, said, with great simplici... Porson _versus_ Dr Jowett
DR. JOWETT, who was a small man, was permitted by the head of his college to cultivate a strip of vacant ground. This gave rise to some jeux d'esprit among the wags of the University, which induced him to alter it into a plot of gravel, and Porson b... Porson's Visit To The Continent
SOON after Professor Porson returned from a visit to the Continent, at a party where he happened to be present, a gentleman solicited a sketch of his journey. Porson immediately gave the following extemporaneous one: I went to Frankfort and g... Portmanteau _v_ Trunk
SERJEANT WHITAKER, one of the most eminent lawyers of his day, was an eccentric. A friend, at one of the assize towns, offered him a bed, and the next morning asked him if he had found himself comfortable and warm. Yes, madam, replied the serjeant; ... Possible Censors
DR. CADOGAN was boasting of the eminence of his profession, and spoke loudly against the injustice of the world, which was so satirical against it; but, he added, I have escaped, for no one complains of me.--That is more than you can tell, doctor, s... Post-mortem
ONE of Cromwell's granddaughters was remarkable for her vivacity and humor. One summer, being in company at Tunbridge Wells, a gentleman having taken great offence at some sarcastic observation she made, intending to insult her, said, You need not g... Pot Valiant
PROVISIONS have a greater influence on the valor of troops than is generally supposed; and there is great truth in the remark of an English physician, who said, that with a six weeks' diet he could make a man a coward. A distinguished general was so... Powder Without Ball
DR. GOODALL, of Eton, about the same time that he was made Provost of Eton, received also a Stall at Windsor. A young lady, whilst congratulating him on his elevation, and requesting him to give a ball during the vacation, happened to touch his wig ... Practical Retort
IN a country theatre there were only seven persons in the house one night. The pit took offence at the miserable acting of a performer, and hissed him energetically; whereupon the manager brought his company on the stage, and out-hissed the visitors... Precautionary
LORD JOHN RUSSELL, remarkable for the smallness of his person as Lord Nugent was for the reverse, was expected at a house where Sydney Smith was a guest. Lord John comes here to-day, said Sydney Smith, his corporeal anti-part, Lord Nugent, is alread... Preferment
AMONG the daly inquirers after the health of an aged Bishop of D----m, during his indisposition, no one was more sedulously punctual than the Bishop of E----r; and the invalid seemed to think that other motives than those of anxious kindness might c... Pretty
HOPE is the dream of those who are awake. ... Priest's Orders
AN actor named Priest was playing at one of the principal theatres. Some one remarked to the Garrick Club that there were a great many men in the pit. Probably clerks who have taken Priest's orders, said Mr. Poole, one of the best punsters as well a... Prime's Preservative
SERGEANT PRIME had a remarkably long nose, and being one day out riding, was flung from his horse, and fell upon his face in the middle of the road. A countryman, who saw the occurrence, ran hastily up, raised the sergeant from the mire, and asked h... Primogeniture
AN Irish clergyman having gone to visit the portraits of the Scottish kings in Holyrood House, observed one of the monarchs of a very youthful appearance, while his son was depicted with a long beard, and wore the traits of extreme old age. Sancta M... Priority
AN old Scotch domestic gave a capital reason to his young master for his being allowed to do as he liked: Ye need na find faut wi' me, Maister Jeems, I hae been langer about the place than yersel'. ... Profession And Practice
A YOUNG lawyer who had been admitted about a year, was asked by a friend, How do you like your new profession? The reply was accompanied by a brief sigh to suit the occasion: My profession is much better than my practice. ... Professional
AN editor at a dinner-table being asked if he would take some pudding, replied, in a fit of abstraction, Owing to a crowd of other matter, we are unable to find room for it. ... Professional Candor
A GENTLEMAN afflicted with rheumatism consulted a physician, who immediately wrote him a prescription. As the patient was going away the doctor called him back. By the way, sir, should my prescription happen to afford you any relief, please to let m... Professional Companions
A GENTLEMAN, who was dining with another, praised the meat very much, and inquired who was his butcher. His name is Addison.--Addison! echoed the guest; pray is he any relation to the poet?--I can't say: but this I know, he is seldom without his Ste... Professional Recognition
MISS KELLY standing one day in the street, enjoying the vagaries of punch with the rest of the crowd, the showman came up to her and solicited a contribution. She was not very ready in answering the demand, when the fellow, taking care to make her u... Profitable Juggling
A PROFESSOR of legerdemain entertained an audience in a village, which was principally composed of colliers. After astonishing the natives with various tricks, he asked the loan of a halfpenny. A collier, with a little hesitation, handed out the coi... Proof Impression
MR. BETHEL, an Irish barrister, when the question of the Union was in debate, like all the junior barristers published pamphlets upon the subject. Mr. Lysaght met this pamphleteer in the hall of the Four Courts, and in a friendly way, said, Zounds! ... Proof Positive
A CHEMIST asserted that all bitter things were hot. No, said a gentleman present, there is a bitter cold day. ... Proper Distinction
AN undergraduate had unconsciously strayed into the garden of a certain D.D., then master of the college adjoining. He had not been there many minutes, when Dr. ---- entered himself, and, perceiving the student, in no very courteous manner desired t... Prosiness
A PROSY old gentleman meeting Jerrold, related a long, limp account of a stupid practical joke, concluding with the information that he really thought he should have died with laughter.--I wish to heaven you had, was Jerrold's reply. ...