Suggestive Repudiation
LORD BYRON was once asked by a friend in the green-room of the Drury
Lane Theatre, whether he did not think Miss Kelly's acting in the Maid
and the Magpie exceedingly natural. I really am no judge, answered
his lordship, I was never innocent of stealing a spoon.
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... St Peter A Bachelor
IN the list of benefactors to Peter-House is Lady Mary Ramsay, who is reported to have offered a very large property, nearly equal to a new foundation to this college, on condition that the name should be changed to Peter and Mary's; but she was thw... Steam-boat Racing
SIR CHARLES LYELL, when in the United States, received the following advice from a friend: When you are racing with an opposition steam-boat, or chasing her, and the other passengers are cheering the captain, who is sitting on the safety-valve to ke... Sterne
SOME person remarked to him that apothecaries bore the same relation to physicians that attorneys do to barristers. So they do, said Sterne; but apothecaries and attorneys are not alike, for the latter do not deal in scruples. ... Stone Blind
LORD BYRON'S valet (Mr. Fletcher) grievously excited his master's ire by observing, while Byron was examining the remains of Athens, La me, my lord, what capital mantelpieces that marble would make in England! ... Strange Jetsum
A THIN old man, with a rag-bag in his hand, was picking up a number of small pieces of whalebone which lay on the street. The deposit was of such a singular nature, that we asked the quaint-looking gatherer how he supposed they came there. Don't kno... Strange Vespers
A MAN who had a brother, a priest, was asked, Has your brother a living?--No.--How does he employ himself?--He says mass in the morning.--And in the evening?--In the evening he don't know what he says. ... Striking Reproof
IT being reported that Lady Caroline Lamb had, in a moment of passion, knocked down one of her pages with a stool, the poet Moore, to whom this was told by Lord Strangford, observed: Oh! nothing is more natural for a literary lady than to double dow... Subtraction And Addition
A CHIMNEY-SWEEPER'S boy went into a baker's shop for a twopenny loaf, and conceiving it to be diminutive in size, remarked to the baker that he did not believe it was weight. Never mind that, said the man of dough, you will have the less to carry.--... Sudden Freedom
A NATION grown free in a single day is a child born with the limbs and the vigor of a man, who would take a drawn sword for his rattle, and set ... Suggestion
DO you know what made my voice so melodious? said a celebrated vocal performer, of awkward manners, to Charles Bannister. No, replied the other. Why, then, I'll tell you: when I was about fifteen, I swallowed, by accident, some train oil.--I don't t... Suggestive Repudiation
LORD BYRON was once asked by a friend in the green-room of the Drury Lane Theatre, whether he did not think Miss Kelly's acting in the Maid and the Magpie exceedingly natural. I really am no judge, answered his lordship, I was never innocent of stea... Suited To His Subject
THE ballot was, it seems, first proposed in 1795, by Major Cart-wright, who somewhat appropriately wrote a book upon the Common-Wheel. ... Summary Decision
MR. BROUGHAM, when at the bar, opened before Lord Chief Justice Tenterden an action for the amount of a wager laid upon the event of a dog-fight, which, through some unwillingness of dogs or men, had not been brought to an issue. We, my lord, said t... Swearing The Peace
AN Irishman, swearing the peace against his three sons, thus concluded his affidavit: And this deponent further saith, that the only one of his children who showed him any real filial affection was his youngest son Larry, for he never struck him whe... Sweeps
WE feel for climbing boys as much as anybody can do; but what is a climbing boy in a chimney to a full-grown suitor in the Master's office! ... Sydney Smith
SYDNEY SMITH was once dining in company with a French gentleman, who had been before dinner indulging in a number of free-thinking speculations, and had ended by avowing himself a materialist. Very good soup, this, said Mr. Smith. Oui, monsieur, c'e... Sydney Smith Soporific
A LADY complaining to Sydney Smith that she could not sleep,--I can furnish you, he said, with a perfect soporific. I have published two volumes of Sermons; take them up to bed with you. I recommended them once to Blanco White, and before the third ... Take Warning!
A BARRISTER who had retired from practice, said: If any man was to claim the coat upon my back, and threaten my refusal with a lawsuit, he should certainly have it; lest, in defending my coat, I should, too late, find that I was deprived of my waist... Taking A Hint
THE Bishop preached: My friends, said he, How sweet a thing is charity, The choicest gem in virtue's casket! It is, indeed, sighed miser B., And instantly I'll go and--ask it. ... Taking His Measure
A CONCEITED packman called at a farm-house in the west of Scotland, in order to dispose of some of his wares. The goodwife was startled by his southern accent, and his high talk about York, London, and other big places. An' whaur come ye frae yersel... Tall And Short
AT an evening party, Jerrold was looking at the dancers. Seeing a very tall gentleman waltzing with a remarkably short lady, he said to a friend at hand, Humph! there's the mile dancing with the mile-stone. ... Tell It Not In England
LADY CARTERET, wife of the Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland, in Swift's time, one day said to the wit, The air of this country is very good.--Don't say so in England, my lady, quickly replied the dean, for if you do they will certainly tax it. ... Telling One's Age
A LADY, complaining how rapidly time stole away, said: Alas! I am near thirty. A doctor, who was present, and knew her age, said: Do not fret at it, madam; for you will get further from that frightful epoch every day. ...