Very Easy
ON the approach of Holy Week, a great lady said to her friend, We must,
however, mortify ourselves a little.--Well, replied the other, let
us make our servants fast.
More
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Up In The World
A FELLOW boasting in company of his family, declared even his own father died in an exalted situation. Some of the company looking incredulous, another observed, I can bear testimony to the gentleman's veracity, as my father was sheriff for the coun... Use Is Second Nature
A TAILOR that was ever accustomed to steal some of the cloth his customer brought, when he came one day to make himself a suit, stole half-a-yard. His wife perceiving it, asked the reason; Oh, said he, it is to keep my hands in use, lest at any time... Vails To Servants
TO such a height had arrived the custom of giving vails, or visiting-fees, to servants, in 1762, that Jonas Hanway published upon the subject eight letters to the Duke of N----, supposed to be the Duke of Newcastle. Sir Thomas Waldo related to Hanwa... Valuable Discovery
A RECENT philosopher discovered a method to avoid being dunned! How--how--how? we hear everybody asking. He never run in debt. ... Value Of Applause
SOME one remarked to Mrs. Siddons that applause was necessary to actors, as it gave them confidence. More, replied the actress; it gives us breath. ... Value Of Nothing
PORSON one day sent his gyp with a note to a certain Cantab, requesting him to find the value of nothing. Next day he met his friend walking, and stopping him, desired to know, Whether he had succeeded? His friend answered, Yes!--And what may it be?... Vast Domain
A GENTLEMAN having a servant with a very thick skull, used often to call him the king of fools. I wish, said the fellow one day, you could make your words good, I should then be the greatest monarch in the world. ... Vera Cannie
A YOUNG lady, pressed by friends to marry a decent, but poor man, on the plea, Marry for love, and work for siller, replied, It's a' vera true, but a kiss and a tinniefu[C] o' cauld water maks a gey wersh[D] breakfast. [C] Tinnie, the small porri... Verse And Worse
AMONG a company of cheerful Irishmen, in the neighborhood of St. Giles, it was proposed by the host to make a gift of a couple of fowls to him that, off-hand, should write six lines in poetry of his own composing. Several of the merry crew attempted... Verses Written On A Window In The Highlands Of Scotland
SCOTLAND! thy weather's like a modish wife, Thy winds and rains for ever are at strife; So termagant awhile her thunder tries, And when she can no longer scold, she cries. ... Very Appropriate
A FACETIOUS old gentleman, who thought his two sons consumed too much time in hunting and shooting, styled them Nimrod and Ramrod. ... Very Clear
WHAT is light? asked a schoolmaster of the booby of a class. A sovereign that isn't full weight is light, was the prompt reply. ... Very Easy
ON the approach of Holy Week, a great lady said to her friend, We must, however, mortify ourselves a little.--Well, replied the other, let us make our servants fast. ... Very Evident
GARRICK and Rigby, once walking together in Norfolk, observed upon a board at a house by the roadside, the following strange inscription: A GOES KOORED HEAR.--How is it possible, said Rigby, that such people as these can cure agues?--I do not know, ... Very Like A Whale
THE first of all the royal infant males Should take the title of the Prince of Wales; Because 'tis clear to seamen and to lubber, Babies and whales are both inclined to blubber. ... Very Like Each Other
IT appears that there were two persons of the name of Dr. John Thomas, not easily to be distinguished; for somebody (says Bishop Newton) was speaking of Dr. Thomas, when it was asked, which Dr. Thomas do you mean?--Dr. John Thomas.--They are both na... Very Likely
AN English officer lost his leg at the battle of Vittoria, and after suffering amputation with the greatest courage, thus addressed his servant who was crying, or pretending to cry, in one corner of the room, None of your hypocritical tears, you idl... Very Likely
AN officer of the navy being asked what Burke meant by the Cheap defence of nations, replied, A midshipman's half-pay,--nothing a-day and find yourself. ... Very Pointed
SIR JOHN HAMILTON, who had severely suffered from the persecutions of the law, used to say, that an attorney was like a hedgehog, it was impossible to touch him anywhere without pricking one's fingers. ... Very Pretty
ONE day, just as an English officer had arrived at Vienna, the empress knowing that he had seen a certain princess much celebrated for her beauty, asked him if it was really true that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. I thought so y... Very Serious
A REGULAR physician being sent for by a quack, expressed his surprise at being called in on an occasion apparently trifling. Not so trifling, neither, replied the quack; for, to tell you the truth, I have, by mistake, taken some of my OWN PILLS. ... Very Shocking If True
AT a dinner-party, one of the guests used his knife improperly in eating. At length a wag asked aloud: Have you heard of poor L----'s sad affair? I met him at a party yesterday, when to our great horror, he suddenly took up the knife, and---- Good h... Very True
SERJEANT MAYNARD, a famous lawyer in the days of the Stuarts, called law an ars bablativa. ... Very True
ALL that is necessary for the enjoyment of sausages at breakfast is confidence. ...