Wilkes's Ready Reply
LUTTREL and Wilkes were standing on the Brentford hustings, when Wilkes
asked his adversary, privately, whether he thought there were more fools
or rogues among the multitude of Wilkites spread out before them. I'll
tell them what you say, and put an end to you, said the Colonel. But,
perceiving the threat gave Wilkes no alarm, he added, Surely you don't
mean to say you could stand here one hour after I did so?--Why (the
answer was), you would not be alive one instant after.--How so?--I
should merely say it was a fabrication, and they would destroy you
in the twinkling of an eye!
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What's My Thought Like?
Quest. WHY is a pump like Viscount Castlereagh? Ans. Because it is a slender thing of wood, That up and down its awkward arm doth sway, And coolly shout, and spout, and spout away, In one weak, washy, everla... Where Is The Audience?
THE manager of a country theatre looked into the house between the acts, and turned with a face of dismay to the prompter, with the question of, Why, good gracious, where's the audience?--Sir, replied the prompter, without moving a muscle, he is jus... Where It Came From
A LADY, whose fondness for generous living had given her a flushed face and rubicund nose, consulted Dr. Cheyne. Upon surveying herself in the glass, she exclaimed, Where in the name of wonder, doctor, did I get such a nose as this?--Out of the deca... Whig And Tory
WHIG and Tory scratch and bite, Just as hungry dogs we see; Toss a bone 'twixt two, they fight; Throw a couple, they agree. ... Whist
MRS. BRAY relates the following of a Devonshire physician, happily named Vial, who was a desperate lover of whist. One evening in the midst of a deal, the doctor fell off his chair in a fit. Consternation seized on the company. Was he alive or dead?... Whist-playing
CHARLES LAMB said once to a brother whist-player, who was a hand more clever than clean, and who had enough in him to afford the joke: M., if dirt were trumps, what hands you would hold! ... Whitbread's Entire
ON the approach of the election at Westminster, when Earl Percy was returned, Mr. Denis O'Brien, the agent of Mr. Sheridan, said, that there were thousands in Westminster who would sooner vote for the Duke of Northumberland's porter, than give their... White Hands
IN a country market a lady, laying her hand upon a joint of veal, said, Mr. Smallbone, I think this veal is not quite so white as usual.--Put on your gloves, madam, replied the butcher, and you will think differently. The lady did so, and the veal w... White Teeth
PROFESSOR SAUNDERSON, who occupied so distinguished a situation in the University of Cambridge as that of Lucasian Professor of Mathematics, was quite blind. Happening to make one in a large party, he remarked of a lady, who had just left the room, ... Who's The Fool?
MR. SERGEANT PARRY, in illustration of a case, told the following anecdote:-- Some merchants went to an Eastern sovereign, and exhibited for sale several very fine horses. The king admired them, and bought them; he, moreover, gave the merchants a... Who's To Blame
KING JAMES used to say, that he never knew a modest man make his way in a court. As he was repeating this expression one day, a David Floyd, who was then in waiting at his Majesty's elbow, replied bluntly, Pray, sir, whose fault is that! The king st... Whose?
SYDNEY SMITH being ill, his physician advised him to take a walk upon an empty stomach.--Upon whose? said he. ... Why Are Women Beardless?
HOW wisely Nature, ordering all below, Forbade a beard on woman's chin to grow, For how could she be shaved (whate'er the skill) Whose tongue would never let her chin be still! ... Why Master Of The House
A TRAVELLER coming up to an inn door, said: Pray, friend, are you the master of this house?--Yes, sir, answered Boniface, my wife has been dead these three weeks. ... Wignell The Actor
ONE of old Mr. Sheridan's favorite characters was Cato: and on its revival at Covent Garden Theatre, a Mr. Wignell assumed his old-established part of Portius; and having stepped forward with a prodigious though accustomed strut, began:-- The... Wilkes And A Liberty
SO ungrateful was the sound of Wilkes and No. 45 (the famous number of the North Briton) to George III., that about 1772, George IV., then a mere boy, having been chid for some fault, and wishing to take his boyish revenge, stole to the king's apart... Wilkes And Liberty
WHEN Wilkes was in France, and at Court, Madame Pompador addressed him thus: You Englishmen are fine fellows; pray how far may a man go in his abuse of the Royal family among you?--I do not at present know, replied he, dryly, but I am trying. ... Wilkes's Ready Reply
LUTTREL and Wilkes were standing on the Brentford hustings, when Wilkes asked his adversary, privately, whether he thought there were more fools or rogues among the multitude of Wilkites spread out before them. I'll tell them what you say, and put a... Wilkes's Tergiversation
WILKES, one day in his later life, went to Court, when George III. asked him, in a good-natured tone of banter, how his friend Serjeant Glynn was. Glynn had been one of his most furious partisans. Wilkes replied, with affected gravity, Nay, sire, do... Wilkie's Simplicity
ON the birth of a friend's son (now a well-known novelist), Sir David Wilkie was requested to become one of the sponsors for his child. Sir David, whose studies of human nature extended to everything but infant human nature, had evidently been refre... Will And The Way
AT a provincial Law Society's dinner the president called upon the senior attorney to give as a toast the person whom he considered the best friend of the profession. Certainly, was the response. The man who makes his own will. ... Winning A Loss
A SWELL clerk from London, who was spending an evening in a country inn full of company, and feeling secure in the possession of most money, made the following offer. I will drop money into a hat with any man in the room. The man who holds out the l... Wise Precaution
IT is related of the great Dr. Clarke, that when in one of his leisure hours he was unbending himself with a few friends in the most playful and frolicsome manner, he observed Beau Nash approaching; upon which he suddenly stopped: My boys, said he, ... Wit And Quackery
A CELEBRATED quack, while holding forth on a stage of Chelmsford, in order to promote the sale of his medicine, told the people that he came there for their good, and not for want. And then addressing his Merry Andrew, Andrew, said he, do we come he... Wit Defined
DRYDEN'S description of wit is excellent. He says:-- A thousand different shapes wit wears, Comely in thousand shapes appears; 'Tis not a tale, 'tis not a jest, Admired with laughter at a feast; Nor florid talk, which can thi... Wits Agreeing
WHEN Foote was one day lamenting his growing old, a pert young fellow asked him what he would give to be as young as he. I would be content, cried Foote, to be as foolish. Jerrold made a similar reply to an empty-headed fellow who boasted of never b... Witty At His Own Expense
SHERIDAN was once asked by a gentleman: How is it that your name has not an O prefixed to it? Your family is Irish, and no doubt illustrious.--No family, replied Sheridan, has a better right to an O than our family; for, in truth, we owe everybody. ... Witty Coward
A FRENCH marquis having received several blows with a stick, which he never thought of resenting, a friend asked him, How he could reconcile it with his honor to suffer them to pass without notice?--Pooh! replied the marquis, I never trouble my head... Witty Thanksgiving
BARHAM having sent his friend, Sydney Smith, a brace of pheasants, the present was acknowledged in the following characteristic epistle: Many thanks, my dear sir, for your kind present of game. If there is a pure and elevated pleasure in this world,... Women
AT no time of life should a man give up the thoughts of enjoying the society of women. In youth, says Lord Bacon, women are our mistresses, at a riper age our companions, in old age our nurses, and in all ages our friends. A gentleman being asked... Wonderful Unanimity
JUDGE CLAYTON was an honest man, but not a profound lawyer. Soon after he was raised to the Irish bench, he happened to dine in company with Counsellor Harwood, celebrated for his fine brogue, his humor, and his legal knowledge. Clayton began to mak... Words That Burn
DR. ROBERTSON observed, that Johnson's jokes were the rebukes of the righteous, described in Scripture as being like excellent oil. Yes, exclaimed Burke, oil of vitriol! ... Worth The Money
SIR ROBERT WALPOLE having misquoted a passage in Horace, Mr. Pulteney said the honorable gentleman's Latin was as bad as his politics. Sir Robert adhered to his version, and bet his opponent a guinea that he was right, proposing Mr. Harding as arbit... Worthy Of Credit
A GENTLEMAN was applied to by a crossing-sweeper for charity. The gentleman replied, I will remember you when I return.--Please your honor, says the man, I'm ruined by the credit I give in that way. ...