Write Me Down An Ass
A VERY stupid foreman asked a judge how they were to ignore a bill.
Write Ignoramus for self and fellows on the back of it, said Curran.
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Wise Precaution
IT is related of the great Dr. Clarke, that when in one of his leisure hours he was unbending himself with a few friends in the most playful and frolicsome manner, he observed Beau Nash approaching; upon which he suddenly stopped: My boys, said he, ... Wit And Quackery
A CELEBRATED quack, while holding forth on a stage of Chelmsford, in order to promote the sale of his medicine, told the people that he came there for their good, and not for want. And then addressing his Merry Andrew, Andrew, said he, do we come he... Wit Defined
DRYDEN'S description of wit is excellent. He says:-- A thousand different shapes wit wears, Comely in thousand shapes appears; 'Tis not a tale, 'tis not a jest, Admired with laughter at a feast; Nor florid talk, which can thi... Wits Agreeing
WHEN Foote was one day lamenting his growing old, a pert young fellow asked him what he would give to be as young as he. I would be content, cried Foote, to be as foolish. Jerrold made a similar reply to an empty-headed fellow who boasted of never b... Witty At His Own Expense
SHERIDAN was once asked by a gentleman: How is it that your name has not an O prefixed to it? Your family is Irish, and no doubt illustrious.--No family, replied Sheridan, has a better right to an O than our family; for, in truth, we owe everybody. ... Witty Coward
A FRENCH marquis having received several blows with a stick, which he never thought of resenting, a friend asked him, How he could reconcile it with his honor to suffer them to pass without notice?--Pooh! replied the marquis, I never trouble my head... Witty Thanksgiving
BARHAM having sent his friend, Sydney Smith, a brace of pheasants, the present was acknowledged in the following characteristic epistle: Many thanks, my dear sir, for your kind present of game. If there is a pure and elevated pleasure in this world,... Women
AT no time of life should a man give up the thoughts of enjoying the society of women. In youth, says Lord Bacon, women are our mistresses, at a riper age our companions, in old age our nurses, and in all ages our friends. A gentleman being asked... Wonderful Unanimity
JUDGE CLAYTON was an honest man, but not a profound lawyer. Soon after he was raised to the Irish bench, he happened to dine in company with Counsellor Harwood, celebrated for his fine brogue, his humor, and his legal knowledge. Clayton began to mak... Words That Burn
DR. ROBERTSON observed, that Johnson's jokes were the rebukes of the righteous, described in Scripture as being like excellent oil. Yes, exclaimed Burke, oil of vitriol! ... Worth The Money
SIR ROBERT WALPOLE having misquoted a passage in Horace, Mr. Pulteney said the honorable gentleman's Latin was as bad as his politics. Sir Robert adhered to his version, and bet his opponent a guinea that he was right, proposing Mr. Harding as arbit... Worthy Of Credit
A GENTLEMAN was applied to by a crossing-sweeper for charity. The gentleman replied, I will remember you when I return.--Please your honor, says the man, I'm ruined by the credit I give in that way. ... Write Me Down An Ass
A VERY stupid foreman asked a judge how they were to ignore a bill. Write Ignoramus for self and fellows on the back of it, said Curran. ... Writing For The Stage
PEOPLE would be astonished if they were aware of the cart-loads of trash which are annually offered to the director of a London theatre. The very first manuscript (says George Colman) which was proposed to me for representation, on my undertaking th... Writing Treason
HORNE TOOKE, on being asked by a foreigner of distinction how much treason an Englishman might venture to write without being hanged, replied, that he could not inform him just yet, but that he was trying. ... Written On The Union 1801 By A Barrister Of Dublin
WHY should we explain, that the times are so bad, Pursuing a querulous strain? When Erin gives up all the rights that she had, What right has she left to complain? ... Yes Of One Earthen You May
leave the box, for it is necessary that jurymen should hear both sides. ... You'll Get There Before I Can Tell You
MR. NEVILLE, formerly a fellow of Jesus College, was distinguished, by many innocent singularities, uncommon shyness, and stammering of speech, but when he used bad words he could talk fluently. In one of his solitary rambles a countryman met him an... _i_ Have! Shouted A
six-year-old at the foot of the class. Where? inquired old spectacles, amused by his earnestness. On the elephant! was the reply. ... _l'envoy_
THERE is so much genuine humor in the following jocular DINNER CODE, that we cannot do better than close our little volume with it. ...