A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I h... Read more of Smart Dog at Free Jokes.caInformational Site Network Informational
Privacy
  Home Stories Jokes Joke Topics Jokes Riddles Anecdotes Irish Humour Jests Canadian Humour Puns Animal Anecdotes Free Jokes Humour Scenes


Most Viewed

How Old Am I?
Calling In Sick
The Chastity Belt
Cat On The Roof
Blind Pilots
Romantic Food
Funeral Arrangements
Horse Power
The Lumberjack
Unusual Order


Least Viewed

Microsoft Tech Drafted
Don't Confuse Mac's With Pc's
Animal Football Match
Before It Starts
Prize Goat
Baking Funeral
Problems Printing Yellow
What Type Of Snake
Commercial Misfortune
Dinosaur Theory


Random Jokes

Baking Funeral
History Of The Internet
Panda In A Bar
Prize Goat
The Honeymoon Is Over
Romantic Food
Animal Football Match
Before It Starts
Idiot Resuce
Signal Man's Test




Not another virus







*** VIRUS ALERT ***




If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes" delete it immediately. Do not open it! It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.




It demagnetises the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.


It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.




It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.


It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.




This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.


It will drink all your beer.


It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.




Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.


It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.


It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.




It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.


It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change theinterpretations of key sentences.




If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.




It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.


It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.


It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles.




It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.




These are just a few signs of infection...





Next: Microsoft tech drafted

Previous: History of the Internet



Add to del.icio.us Add to Reddit Add to Digg Add to Del.icio.us Add to Google Add to Twitter Add to Stumble Upon
Add to Informational Site Network
Report
Privacy
SHAREADD TO EBOOK


Viewed 5749