After Dinner Speeches
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"He seems to be very clever."
"Yes, indeed, he can even do the problems that his children have to work
out at school."
SONNY--"Aw, pop, I don't wanter study arithmetic."
POP--"What! a son of mine grow up and not he able to figure up baseball
scores and batting averages? Never!"
TEACHER--"Now, Johnny, suppose I should borrow $100 from your father and
should pay him $10 a month for ten months, how much would I then owe
JOHNNY--"About $3 interest."
"See how I can count, mama," said Kitty. "There's my right foot. That's
one. There's my left foot. That's two. Two and one make three. Three
feet make a yard, and I want to go out and play in it!"
"Two old salts who had spent most of their lives on fishing smacks had
an argument one day as to which was the better mathematician," said
George C. Wiedenmayer the other day. "Finally the captain of their ship
proposed the following problem which each would try to work out: 'If a
fishing crew caught 500 pounds of cod and brought their catch to port
and sold it at 6 cents a pound, how much would they receive for the
"Well, the two old fellows got to work, but neither seemed able to
master the intricacies of the deal in fish, and they were unable to get
"At last old Bill turned to the captain and asked him to repeat the
problem. The captain started off: 'If a fishing crew caught 500 pounds
of cod and--.'
"'Wait a moment,' said Bill, 'is it codfish they caught?'
"'Yep,' said the captain.
"'Darn it all,' said Bill. 'No wonder I couldn't get an answer. Here
I've been figuring on salmon all the time.'"
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