AUTOMOBILES


TEACHER--"If a man saves $2 a week, how long will it take him to save a

thousand?"



BOY--"He never would, ma'am. After he got $900 he'd buy a car."





"How fast is your car, Jimpson?" asked Harkaway.



"Well," said Jimpson, "it keeps about six months ahead of my income

generally."





"What is the name of your automobile?"



/> "I don't know."



"You don't know? What do your folks call it?"



"Oh, as to that, father always says 'The Mortgage'; brother Tom calls it

'The Fake'; mother, 'My Limousine'; sister, 'Our Car'; grandma, 'That

Peril'; the chauffeur, 'Some Freak,' and our neighbors, 'The

Limit.'"--_Life_.





"What little boy can tell me the difference between the 'quick' and the

'dead?'" asked the Sunday-school teacher.



Willie waved his hand frantically.



"Well, Willie?"



"Please, ma'am, the 'quick' are the ones that get out of the way of

automobiles; the ones that don't are the 'dead.'"





"Do you have much trouble with your automobile?"



"Trouble! Say, I couldn't have more if I was married to the blamed

machine."





A little "Brush" chugged painfully up to the gate of a race track.



The gate-keeper, demanding the usual fee for automobiles, called:



"A dollar for the car!"



The owner looked up with a pathetic smile of relief and said:



"Sold!"





Autos rush in where mortgages have dared to tread.





_See also_ Fords; Profanity.



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