BARGAINS

MANAGER (five-and-ten-cent store)--"What did the lady who just went out

want?"



SHOPGIRL--"She inquired if we had a shoe department."





"Hades," said the lady who loves to shop, "would be a magnificent and

endless bargain counter and I looking on without a cent."





Newell Dwight Hillis, the now famous New York preacher and author, some

years ago took char e of the First Presbyterian Church of Evanston,

Illinois. Shortly after going there he required the services of a

physician, and on the advice of one of his parishioners called in a

doctor noted for his ability properly to emphasize a good story, but who

attended church very rarely. He proved very satisfactory to the young

preacher, but for some reason could not be induced to render a bill.

Finally Dr. Hillis, becoming alarmed at the inroads the bill might make

in his modest stipend, went to the physician and said, "See here,

Doctor, I must know how much I owe you."



After some urging, the physician replied: "Well, I'll tell you what I'll

do with you, Hillis. They say you're a pretty good preacher, and you

seem to think I am a fair doctor, so I'll make this bargain with you.

I'll do all I can to keep you out of heaven if you do all you can to

keep me out of hell, and it won't cost either of us a cent. Is it a go?"





"My wife and myself are trying to get up a list of club magazines. By

taking three you get a discount."



"How are you making out?"



"Well, we can get one that I don't want, and one that she doesn't want,

and one that neither wants for $2.25."