After Dinner Speeches
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THE "ANGEL" (about to give a beggar a dime)--"Poor man! And are you
BEGGAR--"Pardon me, madam! D'ye think I'd be relyin' on total strangers
for support if I had a wife?"
MAN--"Is there any reason why I should give you five cents?"
BOY--"Well, if I had a nice high hat like yours I wouldn't want it
soaked with snowballs."
MILLIONAIRE (to ragged beggar)--"You ask alms and do not even take your
hat off. Is that the proper way to beg?"
BEGGAR--"Pardon me, sir. A policeman is looking at us from across the
street. If I take my hat off he'll arrest me for begging; as it is, he
naturally takes us for old friends."
Once, while Bishop Talbot, the giant "cowboy bishop," was attending a
meeting of church dignitaries in St. Paul, a tramp accosted a group of
churchmen in the hotel porch and asked for aid.
"No," one of them told him, "I'm afraid we can't help you. But you see
that big man over there?" pointing to Bishop Talbot.
"Well, he's the youngest bishop of us all, and he's a very generous man.
You might try him."
The tramp approached Bishop Talbot confidently. The others watched with
interest. They saw a look of surprise come over the tramp's face. The
bishop was talking eagerly. The tramp looked troubled. And then,
finally, they saw something pass from one hand to the other. The tramp
tried to slink past the group without speaking, but one of them called
"Well, did you get something from our young brother?"
The tramp grinned sheepishly. "No," he admitted, "I gave him a dollar
for his damned new cathedral at Laramie!"
To get thine ends, lay bashfulnesse aside;
Who feares to aske, doth teach to be deny'd.
Well, whiles I am a beggar I will rail
And say, there is no sin but to be rich;
And being rich, my virtue then shall be
To say, there is no vice but beggary.
_See also_ Flattery; Millionaires.
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