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An after-dinner speaker was called on to speak on "The Antiquity of the
Microbe." He arose and said, "Adam had 'em," and then sat down.


A negro servant, on being ordered to announce visitors to a dinner
party, was directed to call out in a loud, distinct voice their names.
The first to arrive was the Fitzgerald family, numbering eight persons.
The negro announced Major Fitzgerald, Miss Fitzgerald, Master
Fitzgerald, and so on.

This so annoyed the master that he went to the negro and said, "Don't
announce each person like that; say something shorter."

The next to arrive were Mr. and Mrs. Penny and their daughter. The negro
solemnly opened the door and called out, "Thrupence!"


Dr. Abernethy, the famous Scotch surgeon, was a man of few words, but he
once met his match--in a woman. She called at his office in Edinburgh,
one day, with a hand badly inflamed and swollen. The following dialogue,
opened by the doctor, took place.

"Burn?"

"Bruise."

"Poultice."

The next day the woman called, and the dialogue was as follows:

"Better?"

"Worse."

"More poultice."

Two days later the woman made another call.

"Better?"

"Well. Fee?"

"Nothing. Most sensible woman I ever saw."





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