After Dinner Speeches
Employers And Employees
Joke Topics Home
"Charity," said Rev. B., "is a sentiment common to human nature. A never
sees B in distress without wishing C to relieve him."
Dr. C.H. Parkhurst, the eloquent New York clergyman, at a recent
banquet said of charity:
"Too many of us, perhaps, misinterpret the meaning of charity as the
master misinterpreted the Scriptural text. This master, a pillar of a
western church, entered in his journal:
"'The Scripture ordains that, if a man take away thy coat, let him have
thy cloak also. To-day, having caught the hostler stealing my potatoes,
I have given him the sack.'"
THE LADY--"Well, I'll give you a dime; not because you deserve it, mind,
but because it pleases me."
THE TRAMP--"Thank you, mum. Couldn't yer make it a quarter an' thoroly
Porter Emerson came into the office yesterday. He had been out in the
country for a week and was very cheerful. Just as he was leaving, he
said: "Did you hear about that man who died the other day and left all
he had to the orphanage?"
"No," some one answered. "How much did he leave?"
"I made a mistake," said Plodding Pete. "I told that man up the road I
needed a little help 'cause I was lookin' for me family from whom I had
been separated fur years."
"Didn't that make him come across?"
"He couldn't see it. He said dat he didn't know my family, but he wasn't
goin' to help in bringing any such trouble on 'em."
"It requires a vast deal of courage and charity to be philanthropic,"
remarked Sir Thomas Lipton, apropos of Andrew Carnegie's giving. "I
remember when I was just starting in business. I was very poor and
making every sacrifice to enlarge my little shop. My only assistant was
a boy of fourteen, faithful and willing and honest. One day I heard him
complaining, and with justice, that his clothes were so shabby that he
was ashamed to go to chapel.
"'There's no chance of my getting a new suit this year,' he told me.
'Dad's out of work, and it takes all of my wages to pay the rent.'
"I thought the matter over, and then took a sovereign from my carefully
hoarded savings and bought the boy a stout warm suit of blue cloth. He
was so grateful that I felt repaid for my sacrifice. But the next day he
didn't come to work. I met his mother on the street and asked her the
"'Why, Mr. Lipton,' she said, curtsying, 'Jimmie looks so respectable,
thanks to you, sir, that I thought I would send him around town today to
see if he couldn't get a better job.'"
"Good morning, ma'am," began the temperance worker. "I'm collecting for
the Inebriates' Home and--"
"Why, me husband's out," replied Mrs. McGuire, "but if ye can find him
anywhere's ye're welcome to him."
Charity is a virtue of the heart, and not of the hands.--_Addison_.
You find people ready enough to do the Samaritan, without the oil and
Random Joke Topics
Titles Of Honor And Nobility
Taft, William Howard
Presence Of Mind