After Dinner Speeches
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Two weary parents once advertised:
"WANTED, AT ONCE--Two fluent and well-learned persons, male or female,
to answer the questions of a little girl of three and a boy of four;
each to take four hours per day and rest the parents of said children."
Another couple advertised:
"WANTED: A governess who is good stenographer, to take down the clever
sayings of our child."
A boy twelve years old with an air of melancholy resignation, went to
his teacher and handed in the following note from his mother before
taking his seat:
"Dear Sir: Please excuse James for not being present
"He played truant, but you needn't whip him for it, as the boy
he played truant with and him fell out, and he licked James;
and a man they threw stones at caught him and licked him; and
the driver of a cart they hung onto licked him; and the owner
of a cat they chased licked him. Then I licked him when he
came home, after which his father licked him; and I had to
give him another for being impudent to me for telling his
father. So you need not lick him until next time.
"He thinks he will attend regular in future."
MRS. POST--"But why adopt a baby when you have three children of your
own under five years old?"
MRS. PARKER--"My own are being brought up properly. The adopted one is
The neighbors of a certain woman in a New England town maintain that
this lady entertains some very peculiar notions touching the training of
children. Local opinion ascribes these oddities on her part to the fact
that she attended normal school for one year just before her marriage.
Said one neighbor: "She does a lot of funny things. What do you suppose
I heard her say to that boy of hers this afternoon?"
"I dunno. What was it?"
"Well, you know her husband cut his finger badly yesterday with a
hay-cutter; and this afternoon as I was goin' by the house I heard her
"'Now, William, you must be a very good boy, for your father has injured
his hand, and if you are naughty he won't be able to whip you.'"--_Edwin
Childhood has no forebodings; but then, it is soothed by no memories of
outlived sorrow.--_George Eliot_.
Better to be driven out from among men than to be disliked of
_See also_ Boys; Families.
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