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Congressmen

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It was at a banquet in Washington given to a large body of congressmen,
mostly from the rural districts. The tables were elegant, and it was a
scene of fairy splendor; but on one table there were no decorations but
palm leaves.

"Here," said a congressman to the head waiter, "why don't you put them
things on our table too?" pointing to the plants.

The head waiter didn't know he was a congressman.

"We cain't do it, boss," he whispered confidentially; "dey's mostly
congressmen at 'dis table, an' if we put pa'ms on de table dey take um
for celery an' eat um all up sho. 'Deed dey would, boss. We knows 'em."


Representative X, from North Carolina, was one night awakened by his
wife, who whispered, "John, John, get up! There are robbers in the
house."

"Robbers?" he said. "There may be robbers in the Senate, Mary; but not
in the House! It's preposterous!"--_John N. Cole, Jr_.


Champ Clark loves to tell of how in the heat of a debate Congressman
Johnson of Indiana called an Illinois representative a jackass. The
expression was unparliamentary, and in retraction Johnson said:

"While I withdraw the unfortunate word, Mr. Speaker, I must insist that
the gentleman from Illinois is out of order."

"How am I out of order?" yelled the man from Illinois.

"Probably a veterinary surgeon could tell you," answered Johnson, and
that was parliamentary enough to stay on the record.


A Georgia Congressman had put up at an American-plan hotel in New York.
When, upon sitting down at dinner the first evening of his stay, the
waiter obsequiously handed him a bill of fare, the Congressman tossed it
aside, slipped the waiter a dollar bill, and said, "Bring me a good
dinner."

The dinner proving satisfactory, the Southern member pursued this plan
during his entire stay in New York. As the last tip was given, he
mentioned that he was about to return to Washington.

Whereupon, the waiter, with an expression of great earnestness, said:

"Well, sir, when you or any of your friends that can't read come to New
York, just ask for Dick."





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