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"John, John," whispered an alarmed wife, poking her sleeping husband in
the ribs. "Wake up, John; there are burglars in the pantry and they're
eating all my pies."

"Well, what do we care," mumbled John, rolling over, "so long as they
don't die in the house?"


"This is certainly a modern cook-book in every way."

"How so?"

"It says: 'After mixing your bread, you can watch two reels at the
movies before putting it in the oven.'"--_Puck_.


There was recently presented to a newly-married young woman in Baltimore
such a unique domestic proposition that she felt called upon to seek
expert advice from another woman, whom she knew to possess considerable
experience in the cooking line.

"Mrs. Jones," said the first mentioned young woman, as she breathlessly
entered the apartment of the latter, "I'm sorry to trouble you, but I
must have your advice."

"What is the trouble, my dear?"

"Why, I've just had a 'phone message from Harry, saying that he is going
out this afternoon to shoot clay pigeons. Now, he's bound to bring a lot
home, and I haven't the remotest idea how to cook them. Won't you please
tell me?"--_Taylor Edwards_.


Heaven sends us good meat, but the devil sends us cooks.--_David
Garrick_.





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