After Dinner Speeches
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The Christmas church services were proceeding very successfully when a
woman in the gallery got so interested that she leaned out too far and
fell over the railing. Her dress caught in a chandelier, and she was
suspended in mid-air. The minister noticed her undignified position and
thundered at the congregation:
"Any person in this congregation who turns around will be struck
A man, whose curiosity was getting the better of him, but who dreaded
the clergyman's warning, finally turned to his companion and said:
"I'm going to risk one eye."
A one-armed man entered a restaurant at noon and seated himself next to
a dapper little other-people's-business man. The latter at once noticed
his neighbor's left sleeve hanging loose and kept eying it in a
how-did-it-happen sort of a way. The one-armed man paid no attention to
him but kept on eating with his one hand. Finally the inquisitive one
could stand it no longer. He changed his position a little, cleared his
throat, and said: "I beg pardon, sir, but I see you have lost an arm."
The one-armed man picked up his sleeve with his right hand and peered
anxiously into it. "Bless my soul!" he exclaimed, looking up with great
surprise. "I do believe you're right."
_See also_ Wives.
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