After Dinner Speeches
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A twelve course dinner might be described as a gastronomic
marathon.--_John E. Rosser_.
"That was the spirit of your uncle that made that table stand, turn
over, and do such queer stunts."
"I am not surprised; he never did have good table manners."
"Chakey, Chakey," called the big sister as she stood in the doorway and
looked down the street toward the group of small boys: "Chakey, come in
alreaty and eat youseself. Maw she's on the table and Paw he's half et."
There was a young lady of Cork,
Whose Pa made a fortune in pork;
He bought for his daughter
A tutor who taught her
To balance green peas on her fork.
An anecdote about Dr. Randall Davidson, bishop of Winchester, is that
after an ecclesiastical function, as the clergy were trooping in to
luncheon, an unctuous archdeacon observed: "This is the time to put a
bridle on our appetites!"
"Yes," replied the bishop, "this is the time to put a bit in our
There was a young lady named Maud,
A very deceptive young fraud;
She never was able
To eat at the table,
But out in the pantry--O Lord!
"Father's trip abroad did him so much good," said the self-made man's
daughter. "He looks better, feels better, and as for appetite--honestly,
it would just do your heart good to hear him eat!"
Whistler, the artist, was one day invited to dinner at a friend's house
and arrived at his destination two hours late.
"How extraordinary!" he exclaimed, as he walked into the dining-room
where the company was seated at the table; "really, I should think you
might have waited a bit--why, you're just like a lot of pigs with your
A cup of tea,
Is all that she
She's in society.
But let me take
This maiden fair
To some café,
And, then and there,
She'll eat the whole
Blame bill of fare.
--_The Mystic Times_.
The small daughter of the house was busily setting the tables for
expected company when her mother called to her:
"Put down three forks at each place, dear."
Having made some observations on her own account when the expected
guests had dined with her mother before, she inquired thoughtfully:
"Shall I give Uncle John three knives?"
For a man seldom thinks with more earnestness of anything than he does
of his dinner--_Samuel Johnson_.
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