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WIFE--"Please match this piece of silk for me before you come home."

HUSBAND--"At the counter where the sweet little blond works? The one
with the soulful eyes and--"

WIFE--"No. You're too tired to shop for me when your day's work is done,
dear. On second thought, I won't bother you."


Scripture tells us that a soft answer turneth away wrath. A witty
repartee sometimes helps one immensely also.

When Richard Olney was secretary of state he frequently gave expression
to the opinion that appointees to the consular service should speak the
language of the countries to which they were respectively accredited. It
is said that when a certain breezy and enterprising western politician
who was desirous of serving the Cleveland administration in the capacity
of consul of the Chinese ports presented his papers to Mr. Olney, the
secretary remarked:

"Are you aware, Mr. Blank, that I never recommend to the President the
appointment of a consul unless he speaks the language of the country to
which he desires to go? Now, I suppose you do not speak Chinese?"

Whereupon the westerner grinned broadly. "If, Mr. Secretary," said he,
"you will ask me a question in Chinese, I shall be happy to answer it."
He got the appointment.


"Miss de Simpson," said the young secretary of legation, "I have opened
negotiations with your father upon the subject of--er--coming to see you
oftener, with a view ultimately to forming an alliance, and he has
responded favorably. May I ask if you will ratify the arrangement, as a
_modus vivendi?_"

"Mr. von Harris," answered the daughter of the eminent diplomat, "don't
you think it would have been a more graceful recognition of my
administrative entity if you had asked me first?"


I call'd the devil and he came,
And with wonder his form did I closely scan;
He is not ugly, and is not lame,
But really a handsome and charming man.
A man in the prime of life is the devil,
Obliging, a man of the world, and civil;
A diplomatist too, well skill'd in debate,
He talks quite glibly of church and state.

--_Heine_.





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