After Dinner Speeches
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With a sigh she laid down the magazine article upon Daniel O'Connell.
"The day of great men," she said, "is gone forever."
"But the day of beautiful women is not," he responded.
She smiled and blushed. "I was only joking," she explained, hurriedly.
MAGISTRATE (about to commit for trial)--"You certainly effected the
robbery in a remarkably ingenious way; in fact, with quite exceptional
PRISONER--"Now, yer honor, no flattery, please; no flattery, I begs
OLD MAID--"But why should a great strong man like you be found begging?"
WAYFARER--"Dear lady, it is the only profession I know in which a
gentleman can address a beautiful woman without an introduction."
William ---- was said to be the ugliest, though the most lovable, man in
Louisiana. On returning to the plantation after a short absence, his
"Willie, I met in New Orleans a Mrs. Forrester who is a great admirer of
yours. She said, though, that it wasn't so much the brillancy of your
mental attainments as your marvelous physical and facial beauty which
charmed and delighted her."
"Edmund," cried William earnestly, "that is a wicked lie, but tell it to
"You seem to be an able-bodied man. You ought to be strong enough to
"I know, mum. And you seem to be beautiful enough to go on the stage,
but evidently you prefer the simple life."
After that speech he got a square meal and no reference to the woodpile.
O, that men's ears should be
To counsel deaf, but not to flattery!
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