After Dinner Speeches
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A man went into a southern restaurant not long ago and asked for a piece
of old-fashioned Washington pie. The waiter, not understanding and yet
unwilling to concede his lack of knowledge, brought the customer a piece
of chocolate cake.
"No, no, my friend," said the smiling man. "I meant _George_ Washington,
not _Booker_ Washington."
One day a pastor was calling upon a dear old lady, one of the "pillars"
of the church to which they both belonged. As he thought of her long and
useful life, and looked upon her sweet, placid countenance bearing but
few tokens of her ninety-two years of earthly pilgrimage, he was moved
to ask her, "My dear Mrs. S., what has been the chief source of your
strength and sustenance during all these years? What has appealed to you
as the real basis of your unusual vigor of mind and body, and has been
to you an unfailing comfort through joy and sorrow? Tell me, that I may
pass the secret on to others, and, if possible, profit by it myself."
The old lady thought a moment, then lifting her eyes, dim with age, yet
kindling with sweet memories of the past, answered briefly,
"Victuals."--_Sarah L. Tenney_.
A girl reading in a paper that fish was excellent brain-food wrote to
_Dear Sir_: Seeing as you say how fish is good for the brains, what kind
of fish shall I eat?
To this the editor replied:
_Dear Miss_: Judging from the composition of your letter I should advise
you to eat a whale.
A hungry customer seated himself at a table in a quick-lunch restaurant
and ordered a chicken pie. When it arrived he raised the lid and sat
gazing at the contents intently for a while. Finally he called the
"Look here, Sam," he said, "what did I order?"
"Chicken pie, sah."
"And what have you brought me?"
"Chicken pie, sah."
"Chicken pie, you black rascal!" the customer replied. "Chicken pie?
Why, there's not a piece of chicken in it, and never was."
"Dat's right, boss--dey ain't no chicken in it."
"Then why do you call it chicken pie? I never heard of such a thing."
"Dat's all right, boss. Dey don't have to be no chicken in a chicken
pie. Dey ain't no dog in a dog biscuit, is dey?"
_See also_ Dining.
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