After Dinner Speeches
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HER FATHER--"So my daughter has consented to become your wife. Have you
fixed the day of the wedding?"
SUITOR--"I will leave that to my fiancée."
H.F.--"Will you have a church or a private wedding?"
S.--"Her mother can decide that, sir."
H.F.--"What have you to live on?"
S.--"I will leave that entirely to you, sir."
The London consul of a continental kingdom was informed by his
government that one of his countrywomen, supposed to be living in Great
Britain, had been left a large fortune. After advertising without
result, he applied to the police, and a smart young detective was set to
work. A few weeks later his chief asked how he was getting on.
"I've found the lady, sir."
"Good! Where is she?"
"At my place. I married her yesterday."
"I would die for you," said the rich suitor.
"How soon?" asked the practical girl.
HE--"I'd like to meet Miss Bond."
"I hear she has thirty thousand a year and no incumbrance."
"Is she looking for one?"--_Life_.
MAUDE--"I've just heard of a case where a man married a girl on his
deathbed so she could have his millions when he was gone. Could you love
a girl like that?"
JACK--"That's just the kind of a girl I could love. What's her address?"
"Yes," said the old man to his young visitor, "I am proud of my girls,
and would like to see them comfortably married, and as I have made a
little money they will not go penniless to their husbands. There is
Mary, twenty-five years old, and a really good girl. I shall give her
$1,000 when she marries. Then comes Bet, who won't see thirty-five
again, and I shall give her $3,000, and the man who takes Eliza, who is
forty, will have $5,000 with her."
The young man reflected for a moment and then inquired: "You haven't one
about fifty, have you?"
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