FOURTH OF JULY

"You are in favor of a safe and sane Fourth of July?"



"Yes," replied Mr. Growcher. "We ought to have that kind of a day at

least once a year."





One Fourth of July night in London, the Empire Music Hall advertised

special attractions to American visitors. All over the auditorium the

Union Jack and Stars and Stripes enfolded one another, and at the

interludes were heard "Yankee Do dle" and "Hail Columbia," while a

quartette sang "Down upon the Swanee River." It was an occasion to swell

the heart of an exiled patriot. Finally came the turn of the Human

Encyclopedia, who advanced to the front of the stage and announced

himself ready to answer, sight unseen, all questions the audience might

propound. A volley of queries was fired at him, and the Encyclopedia

breathlessly told the distance of the earth from Mars, the number of

bones in the human skeleton, of square miles in the British Empire, and

other equally important facts. There was a brief pause, in which an

American stood up.



"What great event took place July 4, 1776?" he propounded in a loud glad

voice.



The Human Encyclopedia glared at him. "Th' hincident you speak of, sir,

was a hinfamous houtrage!"