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Fourth Of July

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"You are in favor of a safe and sane Fourth of July?"

"Yes," replied Mr. Growcher. "We ought to have that kind of a day at
least once a year."


One Fourth of July night in London, the Empire Music Hall advertised
special attractions to American visitors. All over the auditorium the
Union Jack and Stars and Stripes enfolded one another, and at the
interludes were heard "Yankee Doodle" and "Hail Columbia," while a
quartette sang "Down upon the Swanee River." It was an occasion to swell
the heart of an exiled patriot. Finally came the turn of the Human
Encyclopedia, who advanced to the front of the stage and announced
himself ready to answer, sight unseen, all questions the audience might
propound. A volley of queries was fired at him, and the Encyclopedia
breathlessly told the distance of the earth from Mars, the number of
bones in the human skeleton, of square miles in the British Empire, and
other equally important facts. There was a brief pause, in which an
American stood up.

"What great event took place July 4, 1776?" he propounded in a loud glad
voice.

The Human Encyclopedia glared at him. "Th' hincident you speak of, sir,
was a hinfamous houtrage!"





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