After Dinner Speeches
Employers And Employees
Joke Topics Home
"This is a foine country, Bridget!" exclaimed Norah, who had but
recently arrived in the United States. "Sure, it's generous everybody
is. I asked at the post-office about sindin' money to me mither, and the
young man tells me I can get a money order for $10 for 10 cents. Think
of that now!"
At one of these reunions of the Blue and the Gray so happily common of
late, a northern veteran, who had lost both arms and both legs in the
service, caused himself to be posted in a conspicuous place to receive
alms. The response to his appeal was generous and his cup rapidly
Nobody gave him more than a dime, however, except a grizzled warrior of
the lost cause, who plumped in a dollar. And not content, he presently
came that way again and plumped in another dollar.
The cripple's gratitude did not quite extinguish his curiosity. "Why,"
he inquired, "do you, who fought on the other side, give me so much more
than any of those who were my comrades in arms?"
The old rebel smiled grimly. "Because," he replied, "you're the first
Yank I ever saw trimmed up just to suit me."
At dinner one day, it was noticed that a small daughter of the minister
was putting aside all the choice pieces of chicken and her father asked
her why she did that. She explained that she was saving them for her
dog. Her father told her there were plenty of bones the dog could have
so she consented to eat the dainty bits. Later she collected the bones
and took them to the dog saying, "I meant to give a free will offering
but it is only a collection."
A little newsboy with a cigarette in his mouth entered a notion store
and asked for a match.
"We only _sell_ matches," said the storekeeper.
"How much are they?" asked the future citizen.
"Penny a box," was the answer.
"Gimme a box," said the boy.
He took one match, lit the cigarette, and handed the box back over the
counter, saying, "Here, take it and put it on de shelf, and when anodder
sport comes and asks for a match, give him one on me."
Little Ralph belonged to a family of five. One morning he came into the
house carrying five stones which he brought to his mother, saying:
"Look, mother, here are tombstones for each one of us."
The mother, counting them, said:
"Here is one for father, dear! Here is one for mother! Here is
brother's! Here is the baby's; but there is none for Delia, the maid."
Ralph was lost in thought for a moment, then cheerfully cried:
"Oh, well, never mind, mother; Delia can have mine, and I'll live!"
She was making the usual female search for her purse when the conductor
came to collect the fares.
Her companion meditated silently for a moment, then, addressing the
"Let us divide this Mabel; you fumble and I'll pay."
Previous: GAS STOVES
Random Joke Topics
Lost And Found
Titles Of Honor And Nobility