After Dinner Speeches
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After O'Connell had obtained the acquittal of a horse-stealer, the
thief, in the ecstasy of his gratitude, cried out, "Och, counsellor,
I've no way here to thank your honor; but I wish't I saw you knocked
down in me own parish--wouldn't I bring a faction to the rescue?"
Some people are never satisfied. For example, the prisoner who
complained of the literature that the prison angel gave him to read.
"Nutt'n but continued stories," he grumbled. "An I'm to be hung next
It was a very hot day and a picnic had been arranged by the United
Society of Lady Vegetarians.
They were comfortably seated, and waiting for the kettle to boil, when,
horror of horrors! a savage bull appeared on the scene.
Immediately a wild rush was made for safety, while the raging creature
pounded after one lady who, unfortunately, had a red parasol. By great
good fortune she nipped over the stile before it could reach her. Then,
regaining her breath, she turned round.
"Oh, you ungrateful creature!" she exclaimed. "Here have I been a
vegetarian all my life. There's gratitude for you!"
Miss PASSAY--"You have saved my life, young man. How can I repay you?
How can I show my gratitude? Are you married?"
YOUNG MAN--"Yes; come and be a cook for us."
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