After Dinner Speeches
Employers And Employees
Collecting Of Accounts
Joke Topics Home
A nut and a joke are alike in that they can both be cracked, and
different in that the joke can be cracked again.--_William J.
JOKELY--"I got a batch of aeroplane jokes ready and sent them out last
BOGGS--"What luck did you have with them?"
JOKELY--"Oh, they all came flying back."--_Will S. Gidley_.
"I ne'er forget a joke I have
Once heard!" Augustus cried.
"And neither do you let your friends
Forget it!" Jane replied.
A negro bricklayer in Macon, Georgia, was lying down during the noon
hour, sleeping in the hot sun. The clock struck one, the time to pick up
his hod again. He rose, stretched, and grumbled: "I wish I wuz daid.
'Tain' nothin' but wuk, wuk from mawnin' tell night."
Another negro, a story above, heard the complaint and dropped a brick on
the grumbler's head.
Dazed he looked up and said:
"De Lawd can' stan' no jokes. He jes' takes ev'ything in yearnist."
The late H.C. Bunner, when editor of _Puck_, once received a letter
accompanying a number of would-be jokes in which the writer asked: "What
will you give me for these?"
"Ten yards start," was Bunner's generous offer, written beneath the
NEW CONGRESSMAN--"What can I do for you, sir?"
SALESMAN (of Statesmen's Anecdote Manufacturing Company)--"I shall be
delighted if you'll place an order for a dozen of real, live, snappy,
humorous anecdotes as told by yourself, sir."
Jokes were first imported to this country several hundred years ago from
Egypt, Babylon and Assyria, and have since then grown and multiplied.
They are in extensive use in all parts of the country and as an antidote
for thought are indispensable at all dinner parties.
There were originally twenty-five jokes, but when this country was
formed they added a constitution, which increased the number to
twenty-six. These jokes have married and inter-married among themselves
and their children travel from press to press.
Frequently in one week a joke will travel from New York to San
The joke is no respecter of persons. Shameless and unconcerned, he tells
the story of his life over and over again. Outside of the ballot-box he
is the greatest repeater that we have.
Jokes are of three kinds--plain, illustrated and pointless. Frequently
they are all three.
No joke is without honor, except in its own country. Jokes form one of
our staples and employ an army of workers who toil night and day to turn
out the often neatly finished product. The importation of jokes while
considerable is not as great as it might be, as the flavor is lost in
Jokes are used in the household as an antiseptic. As scenebreakers they
have no equal.--_Life_.
Here's to the joke, the good old joke,
The joke that our fathers told;
It is ready tonight and is jolly and bright
As it was in the days of old.
When Adam was young it was on his tongue,
And Noah got in the swim
By telling the jest as the brightest and best
That ever happened to him.
So here's to the joke, the good old joke--
We'll hear it again tonight.
It's health we will quaff; that will help us to laugh,
And to treat it in manner polite.
A jest's prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it, never in the tongue
Of him that makes it.
Random Joke Topics
Canning And Preserving