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A tourist in the mountains of Tennessee once had dinner with a querulous
old mountaineer who yarned about hard times for fifteen minutes at a
"Why, man," said the tourist, "you ought to be able to make lots of
money shipping green corn to the northern market."
"Yes, I otter," was the sullen reply.
"You have the land, I suppose, and can get the seed."
"Yes, I guess so."
"Then why don't you go into the speculation?"
"No use, stranger," sadly replied the cracker, "the old woman is too
lazy to do the plowin' and plantin'."
While the train was waiting on a side track down in Georgia, one of the
passengers walked over to a cabin near the track, in front of which sat
a cracker dog, howling. The passenger asked a native why the dog was
"Hookworm," said the native. "He's lazy."
"But," said the stranger, "I was not aware that the hookworm is
"'Taint," responded the garrulous native.
"Why, then," the stranger queried, "should the dog howl?"
"But why does laziness make him howl?"
"Wal," said the Georgian, "that blame fool dawg is sittin' on a
sand-bur, an' he's too tarnation lazy to get off, so he jes' sets thar
an' howls 'cause it hurts."
"How's times?" inquired a tourist.
"Oh, pretty tolerable," responded the old native who was sitting on a
stump. "I had some trees to cut down, but a cyclone come along and saved
me the trouble."
"Yes, and then the lightning set fire to the brush pile and saved me the
trouble of burnin' it."
"Remarkable. But what are you going to do now?"
"Oh, nothin' much. Jest waitin' for an earthquake to come along and
shake the potatoes out of the ground."
A tramp, after a day or two in the hustling, bustling town of Denver,
shook the Denver dust from his boots with a snarl.
"They must be durn lazy people in this town. Everywhere you turn they
offer you work to do."
An Atlanta man tells of an amusing experience he had in a mountainous
region in a southwestern state, where the inhabitants are notoriously
shiftless. Arriving at a dilapidated shanty at the noon hour, he
inquired as to the prospects for getting dinner.
The head of the family, who had been "resting" on a fallen tree in front
of his dwelling, made reply to the effect that he "guessed Ma'd hev
suthin' on to the table putty soon."
With this encouragement, the traveler dismounted. To his chagrin,
however, he soon discovered that the food set before him was such that
he could not possibly "make a meal." He made such excuses as he could
for his lack of appetite, and finally bethought himself of a kind of
nourishment which he might venture to take, and which was sure to be
found in any locality. He asked for some milk.
"Don't have milk no more," said the head of the place. "The dawg's
"The dog!" cried the stranger. "What on earth has the dog to do with
"Well," explained the host meditatively, "them cows don't seem to know
'nough to come up and be milked theirselves. The dog, he used to go for
'em an' fetch 'em up."--_Edwin Tarrisse_.
Some temptations come to the industrious, but all temptations attack the
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