After Dinner Speeches
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BILLY--"Huh! I bet you didn't have a good time at your birthday party
WILLIE--"I bet I did."
BILLY--"Then why ain't you sick today?"
Winnie had been very naughty, and her mamma said: "Don't you know you
will never go to Heaven if you are so naughty?"
After thinking a moment she said: "Oh, well, I have been to the circus
once and 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' twice. I can't expect to go everywhere."
In Concord, New Hampshire, they tell of an old chap who made his wife
keep a cash account. Each week he would go over it, growling and
grumbling. On one such occasion he delivered himself of the following:
"Look here, Sarah, mustard-plasters, fifty cents; three teeth extracted,
two dollars! There's two dollars and a half in one week spent for your
own private pleasure. Do you think I am made of money?"
Here's to beauty, wit and wine and to a full stomach, a full purse and a
A dinner, coffee and cigars,
Of friends, a half a score.
Each favorite vintage in its turn,--
What man could wish for more?
The roses of pleasure seldom last long enough to adorn the brow of him
who plucks them; for they are the only roses which do not retain their
sweetness after they have lost their beauty.--_Hannah More_.
_See also_ Amusements.
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