POLITICIANS

Politicians always belong to the opposite party.





The man who goes into politics as a business has no business to go into

politics.--_Life_.





A political orator, evidently better acquainted with western geography

than with the language of the Greeks, recently exclaimed with fervor

that his principles should prevail "from Alpha to Omaha."





OLITICIAN--"Congratulate me, my dear, I've won the nomination."



HIS WIFE (in surprise)--"Honestly?"



POLITICIAN--"Now what in thunder did you want to bring up that point

for?"





"What makes you think the baby is going to be a great politician?" asked

the young mother, anxiously.



"I'll tell you," answered the young father, confidently; "he can say

more things that sound well and mean nothing at all than any kid I ever

saw."





"The mere proposal to set the politician to watch the capitalist has

been disturbed by the rather disconcerting discovery that they are both

the same man. We are past the point where being a capitalist is the only

way of becoming a politician, and we are dangerously near the point

where being a politician is much the quickest way of becoming a

capitalist."--_G.K. Chesterton_.





At a political meeting the speakers and the audience were much annoyed

and disturbed by a man who constantly called out: "Mr. Henry! Henry,

Henry, Henry! I call for Mr. Henry!" After several interruptions of

this kind during each speech, a young man ascended the platform, and

began an eloquent and impassioned speech in which he handled the issues

of the day with easy familiarity. He was in the midst of a glowing

period when suddenly the old cry echoed through the hall: "Mr. Henry!

Henry, Henry, Henry! I call for Mr. Henry!" With a word to the speaker,

the chairman stepped to the front of the platform and remarked that it

would oblige the audience very much if the gentleman in the rear of the

hall would refrain from any further calls for Mr. Henry, as that

gentleman was then addressing the meeting.



"Mr. Henry? Is that Mr. Henry?" came in astonished tones from the rear.

"Thunder! that can't be him. Why, that's the young man that asked me to

call for Mr. Henry."





A political speaker, while making a speech, paused in the midst of it

and exclaimed: "Now gentlemen, what do you think?"



A man rose in the assembly, and with one eye partially closed, replied

modestly, with a strong Scotch brogue: "I think, sir, I do, indeed,

sir--I think if you and I were to stump the country together we could

tell more lies than any other two men in the country, sir, and I'd not

say a word myself during the whole time, sir."





The Rev. Dr. Biddell tells a lively story about a Presbyterian minister

who had a young son, a lad about ten years of age. He was endeavoring to

bring him up in the way he should go, and was one day asked by a friend

what he intended to make of him. In reply he said:



"I am watching the indications. I have a plan which I propose trying

with the boy. It is this: I am going to place in my parlor a Bible, an

apple and a silver dollar. Then I am going to leave the room and call in

the boy. I am going to watch him from some convenient place without

letting him know that he is seen. Then, if he chooses the Bible, I shall

make a preacher of him; if he takes the apple, a farmer he shall be; but

if he chooses the dollar, I will make him a business man."



The plan was carried out. The arrangements were made and the boy called

in from his play. After a little while the preacher and his wife softly

entered the room. There was the youngster. He was seated on the Bible,

in one hand was the apple, from which he was just taking a bite, and in

the other he clasped the silver dollar. The good man turned to his

consort. "Wife," he said, "the boy is a hog. I shall make a politician

of him."





Senator Mark Hanna was walking through his mill one day when he heard a

boy say:



"I wish I had Hanna's money and he was in the poorhouse."



When he returned to the office the senator sent for the lad, who was

plainly mystified by the summons.



"So you wish you had my money and I was in the poorhouse," said the

great man grimly. "Now supposing you had your wish, what would you do?"



"Well," said the boy quickly, his droll grin showing his appreciation of

the situation, "I guess I'd get you out of the poorhouse the first

thing."



Mr. Hanna roared with laughter and dismissed the youth.



"You might as well push that boy along," he said to one of his

assistants; "he's too good a politician to be kept down."





_See also_ Candidates; Public Speakers.