PUNISHMENT


A parent who evidently disapproved of corporal punishment wrote the

teacher:



"Dear Miss: Don't hit our Johnnie. We never do it at home

except in self-defense."





"No, sirree!" ejaculated Bunkerton. "There wasn't any of that nonsense

in my family. My father never thrashed me in all his life."



"Too bad, too bad," sighed Hickenlooper. "Another wreck due to a
/>
misplaced switch."





James the Second, when Duke of York, made a visit to Milton, the poet,

and asked him among other things, if he did not think the loss of his

sight a judgment upon him for what he had writen against his father,

Charles the First. Milton answered: "If your Highness think my loss of

sight a _judgment_ upon me, what do you think of your father's losing

his head."--_Life_.





A white man during reconstruction times was arraigned before a colored

justice of the peace for killing a man and stealing his mule. It was

in Arkansas, near the Texas border, and there was some rivalry between

the states, but the colored justice tried to preserve an impartial

frame of mind.



"We's got two kinds ob law in dis yer co't," he said: "Texas law an'

Arkansas law. Which will you hab?"



The prisoner thought a minute and then guessed that he would take the

Arkansas law.



"Den I discharge you fo' stealin' de mule, an' hang you fo' killin' de

man."



"Hold on a minute, Judge," said the prisoner. "Better make that Texas

law."



"All right. Den I fin' you fo' killin' de man, an' hang you fo'

stealin' de mule."





A lawyer was defending a man accused of housebreaking, and said to the

court:



"Your Honor, I submit that my client did not break into the house at

all. He found the parlor window open and merely inserted his right arm

and removed a few trifling articles. Now, my client's arm is not

himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for

an offense committed by only one of his limbs."



"That argument," said the judge, "is very well put. Following it

logically, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment.

He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."



The defendant smiled, and with his lawyer's assistance unscrewed his

cork arm, and, leaving it in the dock, walked out.





Muriel, a five-year-old subject of King George, has been thought by

her parents too young to feel the weight of the rod, and has been

ruled by moral suasion alone. But when, the other day, she achieved

disobedience three times in five minutes, more vigorous measures were

called for, and her mother took an ivory paper-knife from the table

and struck her smartly across her little bare legs. Muriel looked

astounded. Her mother explained the reason for the blow. Muriel

thought deeply for a moment. Then, turning toward the door with a

grave and disapproving countenance, she announced in her clear little

English voice:



"I'm going up-stairs to tell God about that paper-knife. And then I

shall tell Jesus. And if _that_ doesn't do, I shall put flannel on my

legs!"





During the reconstruction days of Virginia, a negro was convicted of

murdering his wife and sentenced to be hanged. On the morning of the

execution he mounted the scaffold with reasonable calmness. Just

before the noose was to be placed around his neck the sheriff asked

him if he had anything to say. He studied a moment and said:



"No, suh, boss, thankee, suh, 'ceptin' dis is sho gwine to be a lesson

to me."





"What punishment did that defaulting banker get?" "I understand his

lawyer charged him $40,000."





An Indian in Washington County once sized up Maine's game laws thus:

"Kill cow moose, pay $100; kill man, too bad!"





TEACHER--"Willie, did your father cane you for what you did in school

yesterday?"



PUPIL--"No, ma'am; he said the licking would hurt him more than it

would me."



TEACHER--"What rot! Your father is too sympathetic."



PUPIL--"No, ma'am; but he's got the rheumatism in both arms."





"Boohoo! Boohoo!" wailed little Johnny.



"Why, what's the matter, dear?" his mother asked comfortingly.



"Boohoo--er--p-picture fell on papa's toes."



"Well, dear, that's too bad, but you mustn't cry about it, you know."



"I d-d-didn't. I laughed. Boohoo! Boohoo!"





The fact that corporal punishment is discouraged in the public schools

of Chicago is what led Bobby's teacher to address this note to the

boy's mother:



DEAR MADAM:--I regret very much to have to tell you that your

son, Robert, idles away his time, is disobedient, quarrelsome,

and disturbs the pupils who are trying to study their lessons.

He needs a good whipping and I strongly recommend that you

give him one.



Yours truly,



Miss Blank.



To this Bobby's mother responded as follows:



Dear Miss Blanks--Lick him yourself. I ain't mad at him.



Yours truly,



Mrs. Dash.





A little fellow who was being subjected to a whipping pinched his

father under the knee. "Willie, you bad boy! How dare you do that?"

asked the parent wrathfully.



A pause. Then Willie answered between sobs: "Well, Father, who started

this war, anyway?"





A little girl about three years old was sent upstairs and told to sit

on a certain chair that was in the corner of her room, as a punishment

for something she had done but a few minutes before.



Soon the silence was broken by the little one's question: "Mother, may

I come down now?"



"No, you sit right where you are."



"All right, 'cause I'm sittin' on your best hat."





It is less to suffer punishment than to deserve it.--_Ovid_.





If Jupiter hurled his thunderbolt as often as men sinned, he would

soon be out of thunderbolts.--_Ovid_.





_See also_ Church discipline; Future life; Marriage.



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