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In answer to the question, "What are the five great races of mankind?" a
Chinese student replied, "The 100 yards, the hurdles, the quartermile,
the mile, and the three miles."
"Now, Thomas," said the foreman of the construction gang to a green hand
who had just been put on the job, "keep your eyes open. When you see a
train coming throw down your tools and jump off the track. Run like
"Sure!" said Thomas, and began to swing his pick. In a few moments the
Empire State Express came whirling along. Thomas threw down his pick and
started up the track ahead of the train as fast as he could run. The
train overtook him and tossed him into a ditch. Badly shaken up he was
taken to the hospital, where the foreman visited him.
"You blithering idiot," said the foreman, "didn't I tell you to get out
of the road? Didn't I tell you to take care and get out of the way? Why
didn't you run up the side of the hill?"
"Up the soide of the hill is it, sor?" said Thomas through the bandages
on his face. "Up the soide of the hill? Be the powers, I couldn't bate
it on the level, let alone runnin' uphill!"
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