After Dinner Speeches
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Salesmen And Salesmanship
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A darky fruit-dealer in Georgia has a sign above his wares that reads:
Our choice 25 cents.
Your choice 35 cents.
The quick wit of a traveling salesman who has since become a well-known
merchant was severely tested one day. He sent in his card by the
office-boy to the manager of a large concern, whose inner office was
separated from the waiting-room by a ground-glass partition. When the
boy handed his card to the manager the salesman saw him impatiently tear
it in half and throw it in the waste-basket; the boy came out and told
the caller that he could not see the chief. The salesman told the boy to
go back and get him his card; the boy brought out five cents, with the
message that his card was torn up. Then the salesman took out another
card and sent the boy back, saying: "Tell your boss I sell two cards for
He got his interview and sold a large bill of goods.
A young man entered a hat store and asked to see the latest styles in
derbies. He was evidently hard to please, for soon the counter was
covered with hats that he had tried on and found wanting. At last the
salesman picked up a brown derby, brushed it off on his sleeve, and
extended it admiringly.
"These are being very much worn this season, sir," he said. "Won't you
try it on?"
The customer put the hat on and surveyed himself critically in the
mirror. "You're sure it's in style?"
"The most fashionable thing we have in the shop, sir. And it suits you
to perfection--if the fit's right."
"Yes, it fits very well. So you think I had better have it?"
"I don't think you could do better."
"No, I don't think I could. So I guess I won't buy a new one after all."
The salesman had been boosting the customer's old hat, which had become
mixed among the many new ones.
VISITOR--"Can I see that motorist who was brought here an hour ago?"
NURSE--"He hasn't come to his senses yet."
VISITOR--"Oh, that's all right. I only want to sell him another
"That fellow is too slick for me. Sold me a lot that was two feet under
water. I went around to demand my money back."
"Get nothing! Then he sold me a second-hand gasoline launch and a copy
of 'Venetian Life,' by W.D. Howells."
In a small South Carolina town that was "finished" before the war, two
men were playing checkers in the back of a store. A traveling man who
was making his first trip to the town was watching the game, and, not
being acquainted with the business methods of the citizens, he called
the attention of the owner of the store to some customers who had just
entered the front door.
"Sh! Sh!" answered the storekeeper, making another move on the
checkerboard. "Keep perfectly quiet and they'll go out."
He who finds he has something to sell,
And goes and whispers it down a well,
Is not so apt to collar the dollars,
As he who climbs a tree and hollers.
Random Joke Topics
Collecting Of Accounts