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"Is there anyone present who wishes the prayers of the congregation for
a relative or friend?" asks the minister.
"I do," says the angular lady arising from the rear pew. "I want the
congregation to pray for my husband."
"Why, sister Abigail!" replies the minister. "You have no husband as
"Yes, but I want you all to pitch in an' pray for one for me!" Some time
ago the wife of an assisstant state officer gave a party to a lot of old
maids of her town. She asked each one to bring a photograph of the man
who had tried to woo and wed her. Each of the old maids brought a
photograph and they were all pictures of the same man, the hostess's
Maude Adams was one day discussing with her old negro "mammy" the
approaching marriage of a friend.
"When is you gwine to git married, Miss Maudie?" asked the mammy, who
took a deep interest in her talented young mistress.
"I don't know, mammy," answered the star. "I don't think I'll ever get
"Well," sighed mammy, in an attempt to be philosophical, "they do say
ole maids is the happies' kind after they quits strugglin'."
Here's to the Bachelor, so lonely and gay,
For it's not his fault, he was born that way;
And here's to the Spinster, so lonely and good;
For it's not her fault, she hath done what she could.
An old maid on the wintry side of fifty, hearing of the marriage of a
pretty young lady, her friend, observed with a deep and sentimental
sigh: "Well, I suppose it is what we must all come to."
A famous spinster, known throughout the country for her charities, was
entertaining a number of little girls from a charitable institution.
After the luncheon, the children were shown through the place, in order
that they might enjoy the many beautiful things it contained.
"This," said the spinster, indicating a statue, "is Minerva."
"Was Minerva married?" asked one of the little girls.
"No, my child," said the spinster, with a smile; "Minerva was the
Goddess of Wisdom."--_E.T_.
There once was a lonesome, lorn spinster,
And luck had for years been ag'inst her;
When a man came to burgle
She shrieked, with a gurgle,
"Stop thief, while I call in a min'ster!"
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