After Dinner Speeches
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A rural school has a pretty girl as its teacher, but she was much
troubled because many of her pupils were late every morning. At last she
made the announcement that she would kiss the first pupil to arrive at
the schoolhouse the next morning. At sunrise the largest three boys of
her class were sitting on the doorstep of the schoolhouse, and by six
o'clock every boy in the school and four of the directors were waiting
for her to arrive.
"Why did you break your engagement with that school teacher?"
"If I failed to show up at her house every evening, she expected me to
bring a written excuse signed by my mother."
Among the youngsters belonging to a colege settlement in a New England
city was one little girl who returned to her humble home with glowing
accounts of the new teacher.
"She's a perfect lady," exclaimed the enthusiastic youngster.
The child's mother gave her a doubtful look. "How do _you_ know?" she
said. "You've only known her two days."
"It's easy enough tellin'," continued the child. "I know she's a perfect
lady, because she makes you feel polite all the time."
MOTHER--"The teacher complains you have not had a correct lesson for a
month; why is it?"
SON--"She always kisses me when I get them right."
There was a meeting of the new teachers and the old. It was a sort of
love feast, reception or whatever you call it. Anyhow all the teachers
got together and pretended they didn't have a care in the world. After
the eats were et the symposiarch proposed a toast:
"Long Live Our Teachers!"
It was drunk enthusiastically. One of the new teachers was called on to
respond. He modestly accepted. His answer was:
TEACHER--"Now, Willie, where did you get that chewing gum? I want the
WILLIE--"You don't want the truth, teacher, an' I'd ruther not tell a
TEACHER--"How dare you say I don't want the truth! Tell me at once where
you got that chewing-gum."
WILLIE--"Under your desk."
Grave is the Master's look; his forehead wears
Thick rows of wrinkles, prints of worrying cares:
Uneasy lie the heads of all that rule,
His worst of all whose kingdom is a school.
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