Informational Site NetworkInformational Site Network
Privacy
 
  Home Stories Jokes Joke Topics Jokes Riddles Anecdotes Irish Humour Jests Canadian Humour Puns Animal Anecdotes Free Jokes Humour Scenes


Most Viewed

After Dinner Speeches
Liars
Thin People
Employers And Employees
Courage
Faith
Forgetfulness
Guests
Honesty
Coffee


Least Viewed

Fountain Pens
West, The
Landlords
Inquisitiveness
Chicago
Mathematics
Minorities
Politics
Reconciliations
Subways




Thieves

Joke Topics Home






GEORGIA LAWYER (to colored prisoner)--"Well, Ras, so you want me to
defend you. Have you any money?"

RASTUS--"No; but I'se got a mule, and a few chickens, and a hog or two."

LAWYER--"Those will do very nicely. Now, let's see; what do they accuse
you of stealing?"

RASTUS--"Oh, a mule, and a few chickens, and a hog or two."


At a dinner given by the prime minister of a little kingdom on the
Balkan Peninsula, a distinguished diplomat complained to his host that
the minister of justice, who had been sitting on his left, had stolen
his watch.

"Ah, he shouldn't have done that," said the prime minister, in tones of
annoyance. "I will get it back for you."

Sure enough, toward the end of the evening the watch was returned to its
owner.

"And what did he say?" asked the diplomat.

"Sh-h," cautioned the host, glancing anxiously about him. "He doesn't
know that I have got it back."


Senator "Bob" Taylor, of Tennessee, tells a story of how, when he was
"Fiddling Bob," governor of that state, an old negress came to him and
said:

"Massa Gov'na, we's mighty po' this winter, and Ah wish you would pardon
mah old man. He is a fiddler same as you is, and he's in the
pen'tentry."

"What was he put in for?" asked the governor.

"Stead of workin' fo' it that good-fo'-nothin' nigger done stole some
bacon."

"If he is good for nothing what do you want him back for?"

"Well, yo' see, we's all out of bacon ag'in," said the old negress
innocently.


"Did ye see as Jim got ten years' penal for stealing that 'oss?"

"Serve 'im right, too. Why didn't 'e buy the 'oss and not pay for 'im
like any other gentleman?"


Some time ago a crowd of Bowery sports went over to Philadelphia to see
a prize fight. One "wise guy," who, among other things, is something of
a pickpocket, was so sure of the result that he was willing to bet on
it.

"The Kid's goin' t' win. It's a pipe," he told a friend.

The friend expressed doubts.

"Sure he'll win," the pickpocket persisted. "I'll bet you a gold watch
he wins."

Still the friend doubted.

"Why," exclaimed the pickpocket, "I'm willin' to bet you a good gold
watch he wins! Y' know what I'll do? Come through the train with me now,
an' y' can pick out any old watch y' like."


In vain we call old notions fudge
And bend our conscience to our dealing.

The Ten Commandments will not budge
And stealing will continue stealing.

--_Motto of American Copyright League_.


Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind;
The thief doth fear each bush an officer.

--_Shakespeare_.


_See also_ Chicken stealing; Lawyers; Lost and found.





Next: THIN PEOPLE

Previous: THEATER



Add to del.icio.us Add to Reddit Add to Digg Add to Del.icio.us Add to Google Add to Twitter Add to Stumble Upon
Add to Informational Site Network
Report
Privacy
SHAREADD TO EBOOK


Viewed 5039





Random Joke Topics

Guests
Husbands
Stenographers
Profanity
Toasts
Transmutation
Cooks
Mountains
Tourists
Yale University
Parents
Arithmetic
Memory
Truth
Fun
Recommendations
Golf
Competition
Bores
Diet
Dentistry
Skating
Politics
Courtship
Altruism